I have lots to talk about today. Lots of opinions to express. So, fasten your seat-belts kids. You don't want to get thrown through the windshield of the boring mobile. Cause if you do, I'll leave your mangled corpse on the road. Won't even scrape your brains off the street. Don't say I didn't warn you...
(Don't know why Safety is misspelled here.)
RAINBOWS
Apparently you don't see Rainbows often in LA. I pointed one out at work several weeks ago, and everyone just about flipped their lids. I wish someone actually had flipped their lid, as then I would know what it meant.
I come from Colorado. Which apparently is the land of Rainbows compared to LA. Which is odd, because there are far more queens in LA. And I don't mean the Helen Mirren type of Queen. I mean homosexuals. (Queen isn't a derogatory term, is it? I wasn't meaning to be homophobic. I love my gay brothers [But not in a gay way. {Not that there's anything wrong with that.}).
I pointed out that Rainbow several weeks ago. I was like "Hey look. A Rainbow." I wasn't like "What the fuck! It's a mother fucking rainbow! Everyone look! Quick! It's a goddamn Rainbow! I can't believe this! Ahhhhh!" Because I'm from Colorado, not LA. But everyone else acted like they had never seen a Rainbow before. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked. It was crazy!
Today I saw another Rainbow. A double Rainbow. As is often the case with double Rainbows (See. Colorado=Rainbow Expert) one was much weaker than the other. But the other was fucking strong as shit. The clearest rainbow I had ever seen. And it was strongest at the base of the Rainbow shaft. By the ground.
For the first time since I was a wee lad, I really wanted to drive to the base of the Rainbow. Because it was so strong at the base of that shaft (I make Rainbows much gayer) it actually looked like it was shooting out of the ground. Like a laser or something. Like that sun laser in Die Another Day. I believe the satelitte was called Icarus, because the writer was trying be to be clever with the whole "flying to close to the sun thing" and by referencing Greek mythology. Only this was the opposite. Because the Rainbow laser was eminating from the ground, not a lamely named satelitte.
Point is, I considered driving to the base of this shaft. Not because I expected to find a pot o' gold. But because I wanted to see the base of a Rainbow up close. Which I believe is actually impossible. So I am equally retarded for humoring such a notion, even for a moment, as I would have been for expecting to find gold.
Still, gotta keep chasin' that Rainbow.
"Always Chase That Rainbow!" - Nick Doll
THE SUPERBOWL
That could have been a blog in itself. But it's not. Cause I'm about to shoot a whole week's wad in one sitting. Seat belt still on tight?
(This blog aims to hit the kitty and puppy lover demographics.)
I wanna talk about the Superbowl.
I gotta say, the most important event that can happen to your city is to have your team win the Superbowl. All you readers may not realize this, but all you readers didn't grow up in a city that won the Superbowl, not once, but twice... during your childhood. So I don't expect you to understand this.
It's true though. Never will you hear more commotion outside than after your team wins the Superbowl. I grew up in Aurora, which is a suburb of Denver, but not Denver proper. Miles from Denver, in fact. On any other day, any other occasion, you can go outside and hear nothing. I don't care if your hockey team won the Stanley Cup, I don't care if it's New Years Eve (you'll go outside and hear fireworks, but not much else), or if your country just fought off invading Ruskies (Soviet Bastards!). There's no commotion quite like Superbowl commotion. I still remember fondly, after the Broncos won their second Superbowl in a row, playing football outside in the street at 9pm or so to the sound of never ending honking horns all over the city.
Because, we all know the most appropriate way to celebrate victory is to honk your horn repeatably. And riot. And of course there was rioting after both Superbowl victories. But there was rioting after both Colorado Avalanche Stanley Cup Victories so that could happen any time.
You honestly will never experience a city unifying event quite like a Superbowl victory. Because in America, like it or not, football is the undisputed king. I hope you all get to experience it in your lifetime (Live in a city that wins the Superbowl, I mean. Cause not being in the city when it happens is chump change.).
So I get what those peeps in New Orleans are feeling.
But, I still hate the argument that a team like New Orleans deserves to win because of what happened to their city.
I have always hated that argument. I have hated it since I was in 5th grade.
Because that is when the shootings at Columbine High School happened. Because if two events define every Coloradoan's life growing up when I did in a suburb of Denver, it's the Broncos winning the Superbowl... twice (that's how important Football is in America. It's a life defining event. Us kids who got that Superbowl vic turned out better than the rest of you.) and the shootings at Columbine.
Following the shootings at Columbine, the Columbine High School football team was doing very well, if I remember correctly. And I don't remember if it was state or just a random game, but some radio commentator said that they really deserved to win that game after all their school had to endure that tragedy.
Even in 5th grade, at age I-Dont't-Even-Know, I thought, "That is a fucking stupid reason to deserve to win."
I endured tragedy to please give me an award? Please.
And this thought developed in the mind of a 5th grader, still in elementary school, who had no allegiance to any high school team that he thought should win. It was a truly unbiased thought. Fuck, even in high school I had no allegiance to my high school football team. Even in college there was no football team pride! Because only professional sports have any value (but that is a different opinion for a different blog, perhaps. This one already has far too many.).
I get that such a victory unifies a community that has undergone tragedy. Like Columbine in 1999 or New Orleans this year. But is it reason enough for them to "deserve it?"
Answer: No.
Not to sound cold or insensitive (which I surely do), but technically, wouldn't the Columbine team deserve it less? Because the tragedy messed up their practice schedule for weeks so they actually worked for it less? I mean, isn't the most deserving team one who trains really hard for it? Food for thought.
The point is, good for New Orleans, but when you say, "I'm glad they won because of Katrina" you're comments don't move my cold, three sized too small heart. I will simply look you in the eye and say, "My Heart Aches for Peyton." Then, while your trying to decide if I feel for the guy or if I'm gay for the guy, my heart aching for him and all, I will turn, and make my exit. And leave you pondering.
(Wow. Check out that bod.)
ON BEING ASKED OUT AT WORK
No, I was not asked out at Barnes and Noble today. But, you weren't assuming that anyway.
My female coworker was. She approached the male customer (this ain't no same sex story [not that there's anything wrong with that]) like the would any other, the ole' "Is there a certain title I can help you find?" sort of dealy. And I don't think there was a title she could help him find (I honestly don't know, I wasn't paying that much attention.).
But, they struck up convo. I was running around, between the 2nd floor and 3rd (aka DVD/Bluray Land) so I didn't hear the whole evolution of conversation, but suddenly they were talking about where they went to college, why they were in LA, etc. At this point, I was like, wow, this dude must be interested in her, because who talks about that with an employee at Barnes and Noble when they come in for a book?
I mean, my best days are ones where I have an in depth conversation with a customer about film, but this was more personal than that. And, sure enough, at the end this guy asked my co-worker out and they exchanged numbers.
Who the fuck saw that happening? Who expects to go to work and get asked out, by a customer they have never seen, none-the-less. That's fucking crazy?
Is that how it's done in the Big Apple Core? (If NY is the Big Apple, than LA is surely the Big Apple Core.) Is that how you meet someone?
Should I ask my cashier at Target out to Yogurt? Should I ask the Yogurt Girl at Yogurtland (If they don't call their employees Yogurt Girls at Yogurt Land, they should start. [Even dudes.]) out to coffee? I'm guessing not if I'm getting Yogurt with the girl from Target.
I can't comprehend asking out someone I'm meeting for the first time. Then again, I can't comprehend asking out anybody. It's not that I don't want a girlfriend or fling or what-have-you, it's just that the whole concept of asking someone out, of making any sort of move, is so fucking alien to me.
I really feel like Dexter sometimes. It's not that I "don't feel" anything like him. I feel emotions. Happy... sad... angry...longing... hungry. And I have some very legitimate, strong relationships with very close friends and family. But everything else can often seem superficial. Annoyingly so. Interactions at work or with less than close friends. I sometimes do a decent job with playing along, acting convincing, but how real is that? Meanwhile, this relationship game is completely lost on me. I can't even fake it. So I have so of this alien feeling towards relationships in common with Dexter (though I actually want one, unlike him.) Plus that urge to serial kill.
Be still my dark passenger, tonight is the night...
Maybe asking out someone you buy a DVD from isn't that weird (then again, he didn't even buy a DVD...). Maybe that's normal. I wouldn't know, because all of it seems weird to me. Apparently you just gotta take what you want. Only not really, because that is rape. You gotta take what you want by not being afraid to ask for it.
A man I greatly admire once quoted a man he greatly admires. Kevin Smith quoted Wayne Gretzky as saying "You miss 100% of the shots you never take." And I took this shit to heart, well, pretended to, writing it down and putting it on my wall. But it's something I just can't live by. But, it is something you should live by. So, as I tear apart that piece of paper where I wrote this quote, go ahead and make yourself one.
Equilibrium, bitch.
EPILOGUE
There. I think I covered everything I wanted to cover. Sorry if I got a wee bit personal there and whiny at the end. I'm not trying to pull a Conan here, giving a "Don't cry for me" speech after spending two weeks asking everyone in America to do just that.
Besides, if anyone read past the Superbowl rant
, I'll be pretty fucking surprised. Because it was a dumb move to dump all these thoughts (surely 3 blogs worth!) into one blog. If I was smart I would have written all of this and split the publishing over 3 nights. But, I'm not smart.
Then again, I've always thought the wisest people were those who knew they were morons.
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