Nick's Fall 2009 TV Preview! Huzah!

This fall stands to be the most exciting in the history of Television!

Don't trust me?

Well...

Well...

Well, in all honesty I have no actual facts to back that statement up. All I have are my own opinions on what may "rock your metaphorical socks off" this fall. I'm personally planning on being "metaphorically barefoot" all fall. I hope my "metaphorical feet" don't get "cold"... if you know what I mean.

Wink, Wink.

Nudge, Nudge.

(I think I mean that I hope TV rocks as hard as I hope it will this fall, though, in all honesty, I kinda lost it there with that last metaphor and I'm not sure what I mean...)

What qualifies me to tell you what TV will be good this fall? Well, you tell me, sir or madam, because you're the one reading the blog.

First off, a note of clarification. Some shows on my list are considered "summer" shows and are not technically part of the fall line up. But honestly, what studio crack-head defines a show that starts in late August as a summer show? Most the run takes place in the fall! TV heads need to stop doing crack!

Without further-a-do-di-li-do, my countdown of 8, count 'em, 8 SHOWS NOT TO MISS THIS FALL, from mildly exciting to practically arousing in excitement levels...


8. 30 ROCK - Season 4 - TBA - The best show on Network TV (only good show left on the networks?). The whole cast is hilarious and the writing is sharp as a tack (don't step on it with your metaphorical bare feet [not that metaphorical socks would be of any help...]). My only reservation is that last season was real hit or miss. Some episodes were great! :) <-- Smiley face! But others were lacking. :( <-- Frowny face! I never even finished the season, though I will when it hits DVD.


7. CALIFORNICATION - Season 3 - September 27th - Really loved the first season. David Duchovny is the shit and the first season had a really well crafted, complete arc with beginning, middle, and end. It was practically a self contained series in itself. I still have yet to watch Season 2, but assuming it's half as good as Season 1, I will be watching Season 3! So, let's pretend I've seen Season 2 and it was half as good as Season 1 when I say this, "Watch Season 3!" (Whew! All those numbers were beginning to get confusing. I'm a doctor! Not a mathematician!)


6. PSYCH - Season 4 - On Now! - PSYCH is just good, clean, fun. Easily the most appropriate show I watch, PSYCH amuses with fantastic characters (prime example of USA's "Characters wanted" creed) and great 80s references. Its a fun twist on an incredibly tired genre (like we really need more straight forward crime shows). It's the show so nice they made it twice (MENTALIST is a blatant rip off of PSYCH).

5. SOUTH PARK - Season 13 (part 2) - October - I'm as surprised as you are that this gem doesn't rank even higher on my list. It barely made the top 5!

-- Interesting note, it was last on my list (as in, show I was least excited for) but in writing about it I looked at the previous episodes from the last half of season 13. Turns out, it's actually one of the strongest half seasons ever, with classic eps I loved including "THE RING" with Mickey Mouse flipping his lid, "THE COON", "MAGARITAVILLE" which explained the economy to me, "EAT, PRAY, QUEEF", "FISHSTICKS" where Kayne West wasn't no Gay Fish, "PINEWOOD DERBY", and "FATBEARD" which ended the run the same way Obama ended those pirates. Do yourself a favor and watch the whole season now using those links. With the economy the way it is, you have nothing better to do. --

So, originally I wrote a rant about how I wasn't that excited, but its been scraped. All I can say now is that the 2nd half of Season 13 holds as much promise for SOUTH PARK as ever. The only reason SP isn't number one on my list is that it has been on for 13 years, so the shows I've ranked about it simply feel fresher.


4. BORED TO DEATH - Season 1 - September 20th - Whaaa? A brand new show? What is this show?

Here's what it is...

A new HBO Comedy (can I even count it on this list? After all, it's not TV, it's HBO. Right?)! It stars two of my favorite actors, Jason Schwartzman and Zach Galifianakis (neither of whom have nearly enough projects), and Ted Dansen who has proven himself by playing... er... himself on CURB. BORED TO DEATH has a definite promise for extreme comedy. The premise is even awesome; a writer turns private detective after posting a Craig's List ad... well... advertising himself as such. Skrillin'!


3. MAD MEN - Season 3 - August 16th - Yes, MAD MEN is as good as critics claim. And yes, you are a fool for not watching it (I apologize if you are one of the two people who I know watches it. You're not a fool.). To the rest of you, no aplogogies. I don't normally watch dramas (the only one I've really watched is 24, but thats more action show than actual drama) because they're all the same stupid crime or medical show format, but MAD MEN is fantastic. Really, its the ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT of dramas, and if you know me, you know what a crazy statement that is for me to make.

And I ain't gay, but DON DRAPER aka Jon Hamm is quite possibly the best looking man on the planet. (Sorry Brad Pitt.) And He sure can sell Ham!


2. IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA - Season 5 - September 17th - After their best season yet, the gang's back for new hijinks and betrayels. Season 4 surpassed all my expectations with a sequel to my favorite SUNNY episode ever ("MAC BANGS DENNIS' MOM") in "MAC BANGS THE WAITRESS" and a Dayman musical in "THE NIGHTMAN COMETH" (which I will be seeing live in LA in September!). Season 5 is already responsible for the funniest clip on TV this year so I expect nothing but greatness when SUNNY finally returns in a month.


1. CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM - Larry David is quite possibly the funniest writer/actor alive today. SEINFELD is amazing and the last 6 seasons of CURB are utterly (moo) sublime. It's kind of embarrassing as a writer to admit that the best thing on TV (where did I land with that? Is it TV or is it HBO? Can it be that HBO IS TV because HBO is on TV?) is adlibbed. This season has the possibility of being the best yet, as the entire cast of SEINFELD reunites to do a SEINFELD reunion (more than half of which is actually included in an episode!). We'll finally get to see what happened to Jerry, George, Elaine and the racist after (if?) they got out of prison. In this season's arc, Larry gets convinced to do something his "real life" (who is more real, "real life Larry" or "TV Larry?") counterpart would never do, write the reuinion ep. Extreme promise for comedy as it'll make for a melding of two of my top 5 shows ever, CURB and SEINFELD! This will be one not to miss!

Best moment of HBO (can't call it TV) ever!


Anyways, there's 8 reasons why you won't be seeing me this fall. So don't ask where I've been!

Roast Beef

Today I made roast beef sandwiches with Au Jus (Haha, Spell Check wants to make Jus into Jews. Stupid spell check. Jews are a race [right, there's more to being a Jew than just religion?] Au Jus is a delicious dipping sauce) sauce that I could then (follow my logic if you can) dip the roast beef sandwich into. It was delicious. And by combining the two (the roast beef sandwich and the Au Jus) the meal became a French Dip (no, I'm not going to call it a Freedom Dip! [We still doing that?] That sounds disgusting! Freedom Dip sounds like a sex act) just like combining those rings makes Captain Planet or combining those colorful Power Rangers cars into that big, rainbow colored dinosaur (You're not born gay. Your parents let you watch Power Rangers when you were a kid. Thank you, mom and dad. Though I was unhappy then, I'm straight now [not that there's anything wrong with that {that meaning being gay}]).

But I quickly found that the amount of Au Jus was not proportional to the roast beef sandwich. I ate the whole sandwich and still had a full bowl of Au Jus. What a delicious pickle to be in (But not as delicious as this pickle [but not to be in, delicious to eat]...
And not as racist as this pickle...
Seriously, Google Image Search, what the fuck, man?)

Anyhoo....

Luckily, I had bought enough roast beef, provolone cheese (the only cheese for a french dip), and rolls for 4, count 'em, 4 french dips! So I put the bowl of Au Jus into the frig so I could dip my next sandwich into it. (Still with me?)

There were flakes of bread floating in the Au Jus when I put it in the fridge. Yet, I thought nothing of it when I pulled the Au Jus out of the fridge and nothing appeared to be floating in it. This was at 4pm (I couldn't wait for actual dinner time to eat dinner, I was too hungry!). After finishing the second sandwich, there was still plenty of Au Jus, so again, I refrigerated it, new flakes of bread and all.

I went about my business, tried out 24 Fitness, came home, and was hungry again. So, I made another sandwich (yes, I know I'm a fat ass! But I'm gonna use the Incredible Weight Loss Car... as soon as it is a reality.).

Pulling the Au Jus out of the fridge, again there were no flakes of bread floating in it.

So I went about eating the third sandwich.

But then I began to think about it.

Where could those flakes of wet bread be going?

I have a sinking feeling that they may be at the bottom of the bowl.

*Symbols* TA-DA-DA!*