The Oscar Noms or Avatard Will Be The Death Of Me

The Academy Awards. The most prestigious award ceremony on the face of the planet. Which is pretty sad, considering they have always been political and have are now nothing  more than a ratings grab (which is also political).

I used to love the Oscars. When I was little, I believe I was in 6th grade, I watched the Academy Awards for the first time at my grandma's house. After watching it, I wanted nothing more to be in that room with those people. I had no aspirations to win one (I still don't want one. They're a money and career maker sure, but to me it's valueless because of the politics), I just wanted to sit in the same room as these great people who make movies.

It was really the first time I seriously considered filmmaking as a career. Though I officially wouldn't decide on it until High School. Though, even now I'm not sure...

But, working in Hollywood (as an intern, to be fair) has taught be how valueless the award really is. The "members of the academy" who vote for the Oscars, are your run-of-the-mill filmmakers. Writers, directors, actors, producers, editors, they all vote. And they all vote for who they are going to work with next or who they are buddies with. Not for who they think is the most deserving for their script, performance, or movie. Because, who doesn't want to work with an Academy Award winner? It means one thing: money.

I wanted to be in the same room as the people? What the fuck was wrong with me?

Like I said, it's all a sham. The most prestigious of all these sham awards, but a sham just the same.

I didn't watch the Academy Awards last year. And I'm not planning on it this year. Because, I have better stuff to do (like watch an actual movie, not an award show with clips from movies).

Still, just because I think the Oscars are valueless, doesn't mean I don't have an opinion. As always, I have a very strong opinion. And, as always, I feel compelled to force it upon you. Feel free to disagree or discuss it with me as comments on this blog or on my Fbook posting of this blog. I get off on those kind of discussions.

BEST PICTURE
AVATARD
THE HURT LOCKER
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
PRECIOUS
UP IN THE AIR
UP
AN EDUCATION
A SERIOUS MAN
DISTRICT 9
THE BLIND SIDE

THOUGHTS AND WINNER: The Hurt Locker should win. Avatard is the only likely upset. This whole 10 movies instead of five dealy really is a mixed bag. Obviously a move to grab more viewers, as big grossing hits like Blind Side, Up, and Avatar may not have made it otherwise. This change comes after the Dark Knight was left out, a film many though deserved a nomination and would have made for greater ratings. There just wasn't room for the Dark Knight with 5 nominees, so the category was expanded so it would never get snubbed again (oops, too late! But better late than never I guess...)!

It's awesome that Up got a nom! Usually Animated films get shafted. Which is a shame, because Pixar movies are every bit as good as non-animated films. Out of 10 films, Up is certainly one of the years best. I obviously also totally agree with Inglourious Basterds and A Serious Man. I respect Up In The Air and District 9, but both are overrated. I understand why Precious was nominated, even if I wasn't a fan.

With all my love for Inglourious Basterds, making it my #1 movies of 09 and all, I actually would rather see The Hurt Locker win best picture. Because it really is the highest quality movie of the year. That shit is the perfect flick!

WTF! NOT DESERVING: Avatard? For me, the best way to judge the quality of the movie is 40% script (I am a screenwriter after all, so script is very important), 30% acting/directing, and 20% everything else. Avatard seems to have earned an Oscar nom based on that 20% everything else alone. In this case, special effects.

I would call Avatard the least deserving Best Picture Nom ever, but the Blind Side was also nominated this year. Now, I haven't seen the Blind Side, but it looked like trash. Pure, unadulterated trash. Avatar and The Blind Side were obviously the two "ratings grab" pics of the bunch, because popular movies make for better ratings. And neither deserve to be anywhere near the Best Picture category, even if there were 20 nominees!

I got into an argument with a girl today at work about Avatard. She said she couldn't talk with someone who didn't like Avatard. It's not like I'd have stimulating conversation with someone stupid enough to think Avatard is the best picture of the year anyway...

SNUBBED: Star Trek! If your looking for a popular film that has great special effects AND a good script, why not go with Star Trek? It's characters were more three dimensional than Avatard's (even without the 3-D glasses) and old Star Trek, it was much better paced (hard to get bored in a 2 hour movie), its message didn't bash you over the head, it was exciting, it was emotional (don't tell me your eyes didn't tear up in the opening scene [which was a masterpiece of a scene by the way!] and your heart didn't soar at the end when The Enterprise came screaming out of warp just in time to save Spock, our crew functioning as a perfect unit... sigh... so dreamy...), it was expertly acted, and the dialog was incredibly strong. Fuck, I could watch it right now. Star Trek was not simply the best written and executed blockbuster of the year, it is one of the best of the decade, rivaling other greats like The Dark Knight, Minority Report, and Casino Royale.

This may be coming from a Trekkie, but remember, I was NOT a Trekkie until I saw this year's Star Trek. In fact, being a Star Wars fan, I was strongly anti-Trek. Its converting power alone speaks highly of it's quality.

Moon was also snubbed. In any other year (any year without Star Trek [I do mean this year's movie, not any Trek movie]) Moon would have easily been the best Sci Fi film of the year. Moon feels like a classic 70s Sci Fi flick, yet it's brand new. Expertly written, acted, and directed (by a first timer), Moon truly deserved a best picture nomination.

I know this is all opinion, but I really feel Moon and Star Trek were among the years 10 best made films. Observe and Report was my second favorite film of '09, but you don't see me championing that film for a best picture nom! Nor am I saying that Sherlock Holmes (which I loved, loved, loved) deserves a best picture nom. I feel that I understand the difference between a film I personally enjoy and a film that is just fucking great, and Moon and Star Trek are both.

Also, The Road probably could have used a Nom over a lot of those choices. It was better than Up In The Air, Precious, District 9, and Avatard (haven't seen Blind Side or An Education [wow. I've seen all but 2 this year. Out of 10!].), but I'm not going to get nit picky. Moon and Star Trek are more deserving anyway.

And, by the way, I am now watching (listening) to Star Trek as I write this. 1080p HD picture is wasted as I write this blog. Because I love you.

BEST ACTOR
Jeff Bridges - CRAZY HEART
George Clooney - UP IN THE AIR
Colin Firth - A SINGLE MAN
Morgan Freeman - INVICTUS
Jeremy Renner - THE HURT LOCKER

THOUGHTS: To be honest, I've only seen 2 of these performances. George Clooney was okay, not really anything impressive about his role in Up In The Air. Seen it before, George. Ever hear of Michael Clayton? Pretty similar character, much better acted.

Renner, though, I love Renner (a character in the script I am writing now is named Renner. The most bad-ass character). He is incredibly bad-ass in The Hurt Locker (see? Bad-ass). I'm not sure it was the best performance of the year, but it was pretty awesome and he's the only one on the list I can think to root for. Jeff Bridges is awesome normally, but Crazy Heart looks lame, so I gotta go Renner (though, like I said, I have not seen Crazy Heart, A Single Man, or Invictus). Bridges totally should have gotten an Oscar for his Iron Man role, though! Awesome baddie.

Snubs: Sam Rockwell. He's really the best lead performance I can think of this year. I don't want to spoil the plot to Moon, so I won't say why he rocked so hard, I'll just say he did rock... hard. He is the fucking man. The best man, this year. And he got snubbed.

Also, Michael Stuhlbarg rocked A Serious Man oh, so hard. He is more than deserving. But, in a category with only five noms, it is not surprising he was left out. The Academy prides themselves on snubbing comedic preformances (even one as serious as Mr. Stuhlbarg's). 

Other than that, it would have been cool to see Chris Pine as Kirk get a nom or Brad Pitt from Basterds (though Pitt's part would most likely fit better under supporting, even though he was the poster and trailer), but neither were especially deserving. It's just more my personal preference. I mean, you gotta give Pine some props for owning the role of Captain Kirk without doing a Shatner impression. Also, Mark Ruffalo is a lot of fun in Brothers Bloom and Viggo worked really fucking hard on The Road, but I'm no surprised neither got nominated.  

Oh, and Robert Downey Jr. was pretty great as Mr. Holmes. But, the world kinda has it right. It was must more a Golden Globe worthy performance than an Oscar performance. But a nom would have been a start in making up for his being robbed by Heath Ledger last year (was that last year?). Heath only won cause he's dead (Sorry to say it, but it's true. That's politics, bitch). His performance rocked, no doubt about it, but Downey Jr. as an Irish actor playing an African American was unbelievable.

I guess I would have liked to see Christoph Waltz get the lead nom, but it's fair enough that he got best supporting. He did have the most screen time of any dude in Basterds, and he was easily the best actor in any category this year, but it makes sense that his role only counts as supporting.

BEST ACTRESS
Meryl Streep - JULIE & JULIA
Carey Mulligan - AN EDUCATION
Gabourey Sidibe - PRECIOUS
Sandra Bullock - THE BLIND SIDE
Helen Mirren - THE LAST STATION

THOUGHTS: I really don't have much to say about actresses, because I must be sexist. Or gay. Because I really don't pay much attention to female roles. I will say though, that if Meryl Streep got nominated for anything, she probably deserves to win it (even though I haven't seen Julie & Julia).  Because she is the greatest actress of all time. Just amazing. The Precious girl was really awesome too, so her winning wouldn't be a bad thing.

WTF! UNDESERVING: Okay, like I said, I haven't seen The Blind Side. But, having seen Sandra Bullock in many other films (Speed being one of them) it's hard to believe she is talented enough to be nominated for anything. The trailer for Blind Side confirms this. Throwing on a bad accent is not acting. Ratings grab!

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Christoph Waltz - INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
Woody Harrelson - THE MESSENGER
Christopher Plummer - THE LAST STATION
Stanley Tucci - THE LOVELY BONES
Matt Damon - INVICTUS

WINNER & THOUGHTS: It doesn't even matter who else was nominated, Christoph Waltz had the greatest performance of the year. Of the decade even.  His is right up there with Javier Bardem in No Country For Old Men.

SNUBBED: I'm not even going to take the time to think about it. Because Christoph owns it. If he doesn't win, it will be the biggest upset of the year (meaning it will be what I am most upset about. Even more upset than if Avatard wins in every cat. The man is that deserving!).

Fine, I'll do one. But it's totally personal. Karl Urban was an incredible Dr. Bones McCoy. Both because he was most like the original character and he was playing my favorite character. But, still, he was no Deforest Kelly. That man is one of the greats.

Fine, I'll do two... and three. But they're also personal. I thought Jude Law and Mark Strong both rocked Sherlock Holmes pretty hard. But neither are really Oscar quality. Just personal preference.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Vera Farmiga - UP IN THE AIR
Anna Kendrick -  UP IN THE AIR
Mo'nique - PRECIOUS
Penelope Cruz - NINE
Maggie Gyllenhaal - CRAZY HEART

THOUGHTS: Don't have a whole lot, cause of the whole sexist and homosexual thing.  Vera Farmiga and Anna Kendrick were both great in Up In The Air though. Far better than Mr. Clooney.

BEST ANIMATED FILM
UP
CORALINE
THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG
THE SECRET OF KELLS
THE FANTASTIC MR. FOX

THOUGHTS: Up! Up got nominated for both Best Picture and Best Animated Film! Fantastic (not Mr. Fox)! Awesome! I loved Up! Totally deserves it. It would be nice to share the love, though. If Up were to win Best Picture, Coraline should get Best Animated, cause that movie rocked too. As far as Animation goes, it was even better than Up, but like I said, animation is only part of it. Up had a far better script, so it will win the category. Which is just, because it will not win best picture.

I was not a big fan of Fantastic Mr. Fox. The animation was lazy, the script was 'meh,' just not that good. There aren't any more deserving animated films, so I'm not complaining (unless it wins). I'm just thankful Monsters Vs. Aliens was not nominated. Even though Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Stephen Colbert, and Will Arnett were all in that movie, it sucked balls. Big, sweaty balls.

BEST DIRECTOR
Kathryn Bigelow - THE HURT LOCKER
 James Cameron - AVATAR
Quentin Tarantino - INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
Jason Reitman - UP IN THE AIR
Lee Daniels - PRECIOUS

THOUGHTS: Give it to Kathryn Bigelow! See, I'm not sexist! But, seriously, she deserves it. Her film was the best. Interesting factoid, I heard on NPR that she is actually James Cameron's ex-wife. As is tradition, I did no fact checking, but if that's true, that's crazy! I hope to God she wins, just so she can shove it in that prick of an ex-husband's face (Cameron really is an arrogant prick. Who calls their own movie a game changer? Asshole.)!

Tarantino and Reitman are also deserving. Up In The Air is Reitman's worst movie in my opinion, but he is a fantastic director. And Basterds really is Taratino's masterpiece, so I can't argue with that nom. Taratino may be arrogant, but at least he's less arrogant than Cameron.

SNUBBED: J.J. Aaaaaabrams (Leeeeroy Jeeeeenkins!!!!)!!!! The man is a master of the motion picture (not so much the TV show [LOST sucks!]). Mission Impossible III and Star Trek are both amazing films. Both saved a doomed franchise. He is a fantastic director and deserves the directing nomination even more than Star Trek deserves the Best Picture nom.

The Coen Bros! They need to get nominated every year. Because they are two of the best directors at work today. Their skills are far superior to Tarantino's, Cameron's, Reitman's, Peter Jackson's or basically anyone but Stephen Spielberg. They rock. And A Serious Man rocks. The biggest mystery of the year may be why the weren't nominated.

WTF! UNDESERVING: James Cameron. Maybe he was great once (I still respectfully disagree), but Avatard was not deserving! The man's far past his prime. Don't really need to get into too much of an Avatard rant... again...

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Nick Hornby - AN EDUCATION
Neill Blomkamp and Terri Tatchell - DISTRICT 9
Jesse Armstrong and Armando Iannucci - IN THE LOOP
Geoffrey Fletcher - PRECIOUS
Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner - UP IN THE AIR

THOUGHTS: I've only seen three, District 9, Precious, and Up In The Air, and none of the scripts were really deserving of an Academy Award. But, all are decent, so it's not an outrage if any wins. I will say, Up In The Air is my first pick of the five, and District 9 is my second fav. There just weren't any great adaptations this year. All the best shit was original. Up In The Air will most likely win.

SNUBBED: Sherlock Holmes? Not really, cause it isn't Oscar quality. But, personally, I like it as far as adapted scripts go in '09. Does Trek count as Adapted? Probably, not, but if so, it's a better script than District 9.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Quentin Tarantino - INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
Mark Boal - THE HURT LOCKER
Pete Docter and Bob Peterson - UP
Oren Moverman and Alessandro Camon - THE MESSENGER
Joel and Ethan Coen - A SERIOUS MAN

THOUGHTS: Didn't see The Messenger, but the other four are all GREAT choices! Quite possibly the best pool of choices ever. Basterds has some pretty fantastic dialog, The Hurt Locker is shockingly real and insightful, A Serious Man is hilarious and quirky in that Coen way, and Up might be the best written animated film of all time. What a great pool! I really don't know who I want to win!

SNUBBED: Hmmmm, like I said, those noms are pretty great. Because I didn't see The Messenger, my own personal list would switch it out for Star Trek. Cause that really was a solid script.

THANK GOD: Avatard wasn't nominated! If it had been, the Oscars would have suddenly no longer been the most presitigious sham. Because you'd be hard pressed to find even an Avatard fan who truly thinks the script is any good. Of course, it is such an unoriginal piece of shit, that if it had been nominated, it would had to have been under Best Adapted Screenplay.  Because it was an adaptation of Fern Gully.

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE
AVATAR
FANTASTIC MR. FOX
THE HURT LOCKER
SHERLOCK HOLMES
UP

THOUGHTS: Sherlock Holmes and Up both have fantastic scores. I own them both, and listen to both frequently. Up will most likely win, because it's great, but I'd rather see Sherlock Holmes win. Any other year (using this phrase because of Trek again), It'd be my favorite score. I don't remember the score to Fox or The Hurt Locker, but they must have both been pretty good. I don't doubt that. I'm gonna look into it.

WTF. UNDESERVING: Avatard again. Not just because I hate this movie, the score is truly undeserving. I like the composer, James Horner. But this score sounds like any other of his scores. It's just like his score for The Mask of Zorro. So, like the script, there is nothing original about this Best Original Score Nom.

SNUBBED: Okay, Trek may have not actually be snubbed. It may have been disqualified because even though it is only used sparingly, the Star Trek theme is not original. Though, really, the composer only used it once. His main theme for the movie was entirely original. I have a good ear for scores, and this one was robbed. It's the best of the year, no question. I was actually listening to it before I turned on the Trek Bluray.

Interesting factoid (that needs no double checking because I am a nerd and I actually know it), the same composer did Up and Star Trek (he also did the great score for Mission Impossible III). He had a hell of a year!

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
AVATAR
DISTRICT 9
STAR TREK

THOUGHTS: All are deserving. Even Avatard. In fact, if Avatard doesn't win, it will have been robbed. That sounds weird coming from me, right? But it's true, Avatard has the year's best special effects. Any other year (that phrase again, with Trek, only backwards!), Trek would have deserved it. Because Star Trek has amazing special effects. Puts all other space epics to shame, even Star Wars (effects wise!).  District 9 was good for it's budget, but it gots nothing on Star Trek. And Star Trek gots nothing on Avatard.

Well, that's all folks. A huuuuuuge blog with all my Oscar thoughts. Took me forever to write... entire length of Star Trek and then some....

I really don't know enough nor care enough about the other categories. I will say, I want Holmes and Trek to win where they can in those techincal categories, to make up for a lack of other nominations.

I love you.

...

Can't...write...new blog today.

Still.... sick. In a... dark room... light burns me...

Talking with... Shatner... pauses....can't help it. It's a.... part... of the disease...

Bones help us all.

Spider-Man no more.

Holy Toledo, movie fans! Today has been a dozy for movie news. A real dozy.  I have good movie news and I have bad movie news.

Which do you want first?

Ah, fuck it, I'm giving the good movie news first. That way I can leave you as depressed as I am (though, most likely not, as you don't really give a shit, do you?).

First then,  the bitter sweet news that Star Trek II will boldly go where it has never gone before... again... for the 12th time (because Star Trek II [or whatever they decide to call it] will actually be Star Trek XII) ... on June 29th, 2012. This news is, of course, mighty sweet because it lets us all know when to expect more glorious Trek. It's bitter because there's still two summers between me and that summer! Fuck!

That means we'll have to go a full 'nother week before we even get a teaser trailer (that was supposed to be a joke. Har-de-har-har.)!  Excuse my internet speak, but "WTF?" I get it, some franchises care about quality over quantity (Thank God!), but that is a long time to wait! Can I possibly get Star Trek II (aka Star Trek XII) in 3D as a reward for being patient? With scene shot in IMAX a la Dark Knight (because, you of course already know that a full movie shot in IMAX is still impossible, because you cannot record audio with an IMAX camera because it is too loud)? Pwetty pwease!

For those of you keeping track at home, that's Mr. Will Smith's favorite week, as June 29th will see Trek coming out just in time for the 4th of July (the world's last 4th of July according to our Mayan friends. Then again, they sure knew a lot about the future... but not enough to keep them all from getting DEAD!). I can hear Mr. Smith now, "Aaaaw Heeell Naaaaah!" (Sorry, could not resist [nor could I find a compilation video with all his "Aaaaw Heeeell Naaaaah"'s on youtube. How very strange.]). Though there are still no script details; no word on who Kirk, Spock, and Bones come up against next (could be Khan, Klingons, or even Borg... I doubt very much that Abrams and company would use Romulans again.)

As you may or may not know, the wonder twins (who are not twins at all), Kurtzman and Orci are writing the script for the second Trek with newcomer Damon Lindelof, who has no released features as of yet, but who was a writer on Lost (yuck), Crossing Jordan, Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Nash Bridges (WTF?).

Now, I do take Kurtzman and Orci as good news as they wrote the expertly crafted Star Trek script and Mission: Impossible III, though it cannot be ignored that they are also responsible for the God-awful scripts for Transformers 1 & 2, The Legend of Zorro (the shitty Zorro movie), and The Island. I still don't get how they could write something as wonderful as Star Trek and something as horrible as Transformers 2 all in the same year! Directors must have more input than I realize (as Abrams is hot and Bay, most certainly, is not). Abrams is producing Trek, but he may or may not direct (pwease direct, Mr. Abrams! Pwease!).

So that was the good news.

Now for the bad news...

Spider-Man is being rebooted.

Say what? Already?

Well, to be fair, it's not necessarily an actual reboot. We don't have all the details yet. Though Sony is calling it a reboot (though this just may be because Reboot is the hot word in H-Town right now.)

First, let me explain what a reboot is in movie terms. For retarded people like Andrew, who don't know (Just because you don't know doesn't actually make you retarded, unless you are Andrew). I'll do it in Batman terms. Batman and Robin was a SEQUEL. It was a sequel to Batman Forever. Batman Begins was a REBOOT. It took the character of Batman back to his origin story, taking the franchise in a darker direction, steering it clear of the campiness of the dreadful films that preceded it.

Casino Royale was also a reboot. It brought Bond back to his beginnings. It traded cheesy gadgets and one liners for a brutal Bond who kicked ass in the Bourne style (only was far better than those boring movies). Star Trek was a reboot (even though it is also technically a sequel... as mentioned before it's really the first of it's kind as a sequel and prequel). The Incredible Hulk was technically a reboot of Ang Lee's Hulk. The plot of the first film was ignored and the Hulk's look was changed, even though the film was not his origin story again.

With Spider-Man, it's unclear how much of a reboot this "reboot" it will be.

Here's what we do know. Spider-Man 4 has been in development hell for a while now. Sony originally set its release date as May 4th, 2011. But, Sony and Sam Raimi (brilliant director of the first 3 Spider-Man flicks) disagreed on the script. Sony wanted to go forward with a script by James Vanderbuilt (who wrote the amazing, sweeping Zodiac script) while Sam Raimi thought the script needed work. A lot of work. So much work, as though the special effects team was set to begin this month on preproduction in order to make the May 4th, 2011 release date, they were given a memo saying this wasn't going to happen until script issues were resolved. Raimi and Tobey Maquire (who played Peter Parker in the first 3 films. Duh!) were optimistic an agreement could be reached and remained attached to the project...

Until Today. Blerg!

Today, Sony announced the pair are no longer involved. What most likely went down is Sam Raimi decided Sony wouldn't budge on the script, so he left the franchise. Sony knew Maquire would not stay on as Parker without Raimi (as he had previously stated) so they called "Reboot!"

But, how much of a reboot will it be? Back to the origin story? The Batman Begins treatment or the Incredible Hulk Treatment?

My guess is "no" to back to the origin story. I bet we get an Incredible Hulk level reboot.

If they have any sense, Sony will start this Spider-Man adventure with Peter Parker already as Spider-Man. Sony has said they are going with the Vanderbuilt script (which has long been rumored to actually be scripts [plural] with Spider-Man 4 and 5 to film back to back) which was not written as a origin story (considering it was originally written to be Spider-Man 4).

So, Spider-Man is already Spider-Man, but expect other details to change. Expect no reference to earlier adventures. My bet is that it's technically a different Spider-Man universe, in the way The Incredible Hulk seemed to have not relation to Ang Lee's Hulk. A new director will bring a different style, a different feel to the world and some of the charater's parameters will change. Spider-Man's costume will look slightly different, he may be a different age, at a different point in his relationship with MJ (possible with Gwen Stacey) and he may fight the same villains over again as if it never happened.

Think of it like going from one Bond actor to another, more than an actual reboot. This won't be like going from Brosnan to Craig in the reboot that was Casino Royale, this will be more like switching from Connery to Roger Moore. The tone and character of Spider-Man will change, but it's not a legitmate reboot. Cause it's too soon to reboot. Just ask The Incredible Hulk (Hint: that experiment didn't work!).

If it's too soon to reboot, then why not lay low on the Spider-Man movies for a while rather than going ahead with Sony's announced "reboot?" I'm glad you asked, me (as in, I'm glad I asked, not I'm glad you asked me that question, because you didn't ask it, I did).

Two reasons. First, Sony must make Spider-Man movies. As you are already well aware (or not), Disney bought Marvel in 2009. So,  they own all Marvel characters that do not already belong to other studios (ex: They don't get to make X-Men movies cause Fox retains X-Men rights... for now...). So, Spider-Man continues to belong to Sony as long as Sony continues to make Spider-Man movies on a regular basis. If Sony ceases to make said movies, Disney gets the rights to Spider-Man. That would be disastrous for Sony, as Spider-Man is their  most profitable franchise. So, the first reason is that Sony wants to make millions upon millions of dollars in the future, and it order to do that, they cannot wait on rebooting Spider-Man. They need to pump out Spidey flicks like Bond movies, even if it means switching actors every few years. I predict that if Spider-Man remains profitable, like Bond, it may become a similar franchise, and we may be up to 20 movies and 5 different actors in 40 years.

The other, more immediate, reason is that Sony wants money, NOW! Duh. Why sit on a franchise that could be making you hundreds of millions if you were to release a movie now. It doesn't matter who plays Spider-Man, who directs Spider-Man, or if the franchise is rebooted or not. As far as the accountants at Sony are concerned, it's all the same. The next Spider-Man movie is going to gross over $200 million no matter what. It's Spider-Man for christsake!  

So, that's the story. That's the big news today, rocking the film world, as well as my own. That's why I really had to stop playing video games, dear Andrew. Because I was too distracted by such monumental news. I mean, I love Spider-Man. All 3 movies are my shit, especially the third (can't beat a liberal dose of Raimi humor. Emo-dancing-Spider-Man and James Franco at his silliest are my joint [by which I mean I love them]). This news is bigger than any news could be from the real world (I'm sure there are some exceptions). I mean, in my own pitiful way, this news hits me harder than learning someone had shot the President or something (maybe I will get a few extra readers from the FBI with that poor choice of statement). This is my JFK. I'm not particularly upset or anything, as I wouldn't be if my prez was shot, cause, nothing really changes in my life anyway and I never met the guy, but this is just news of massive importance in my world, is all I'm sayin'. Is all I'm sayin'! (Don't lock me up!)

And what are my thoughts on such monumental news? They are mixed. Mixed thoughts.

I love Sam Raimi. The man has endless talent as a director, way more visual style than most directors working today. And the Spider-Man films ooze with that style (the third film oozes literally as well), more than any other superhero franchise does. I mean, don't get me wrong, Batman Begins and The Dark Knight are much better films, but they don't really have any Nolan style (besides his expert writing). But watch a Spider-Man film and Raimi's fingerprints are all over it. So, Raimi will certainly be missed. As will Maquire. It always sucks when you have to recast a character after someone has associated a certain actor's face with him for so long. I was looking forward to a Spider-Man 4 with both involved and I am saddened such a project is now dead.

That being said, I am excited for the possibilities brought on by a reboot. Though the Spider-Man movies gave birth to the super hero movies that followed (there would be no Iron Man without Spider-Man, the influence is undeniable) and defined the previous decade, they weren't flawless films. There is room for improvement, and at the very least, a new direction can be good in different ways, if not better. Hell, wouldn't it be great if they used this new freedom to redo Venom's story, treating the character with a wee bit more respect? So, I am not frightened by the change. Sure, the new Spider-Man movies could be a lot worse, but they also have the chance of being better.

So, yeah, that's today's blog. Sorry If I'm not being really clever or anything. I kinda wanted to take this blog to report the news and comment on it. Hopefully, you learned something!


Oh, but I will leave you with three random thoughts of mine. Perhaps they will make up for the knowledge heavy blog...

Thought while in the shower this week, "Why the fuck am I using shampoo on my body?"

Thought after three days of diarrhea (Diarrhea of A Wimpy Twenty-Something), each after eating pudding purchased at Ralph's earlier this month, "Fuck pudding bought at Ralph's! Goddamn it!"

Thought after seeing puppies in their little glasses cages at the mall, "That's what you fuckers get for being so goddamn cute!"

There. Don't ever say I didn't try. Even though I may not have.

I am not Eric Millegan

Yes, not able to leave well enough I alone, I return to my "I am" franchise with a delayed fourth chapter, one that is sure to disappoint both because of how beloved the original trilogy has become and because of the massive expectations placed on this long-time-coming fourth part. Sure, I may be cashing in on the incredible wealth generated by this tried and true franchise and I may not be in the same place creatively that I was in 7 days ago when I wrote the original trilogy, but the fans have demanded it (about half of them, at least. The other half are strongly against it) so here it is...

I am not Eric Millegan.

"Who?" You may be asking.

"Not me," I say, "I am not Eric Millegan."

And it's true. I am not Eric Millegan. I may have been a little iffy on the truth a few times in the past, but now I am being straight with you. Totally and absolutely straight. Unlike Eric Millegan.

Eric Millegan (not me) is an actor best known for his role on Bones (no, this role did not involve him hopping [hoping?] on top of the good Dr., Bones McCoy. I am talking about the Fox TV show, you idiot). He is a regular cast member who eventually turns out to be serial killer, so we do have that in common (the serial killing I mean).

I do not watch Bones (the TV show, I do watch Bones the character on Star Trek) so I was not aware of this actor or story arch. But, when I came to work at Barnes and Noble, a fellow coworker asked me if I had been on Bones. "No," I says to her, "If I were on Bones why would I be working here?" I says.

Of course, I later learned that just because you are a semi-sucessful actor doesn't mean you won't latter end up working at Barnes and Noble. As touched on yesterday, one of my managers, Nick (no relation), was in a deleted scene in Star Trek: Nemesis. And here it is (Click on "Here," here or there [no! Don't click on "there" you idiot! My my, you are stupid today]). He is the one introducing the new chair to Captain Picard. It's so weird seeing someone you see nearly everyday alongside big-time-hot-shot-movie-actor-people!

But, anyways, that is beside the point (or, before the point I guess more aptly describes where it actually is). And the point is this... apparently I look like someone on Bones (see, the point did come after).

But, I gave this warning that I could have an evil-serial-killer-clone out there no credence. Just because one person thinks something, doesn't make it so (unless that one person is the infallible emperor of your political party).

So, I put it out of my mind. And out of my mind it remained for 3 long months (if only the urge to kill would stay away for half as long).

Until, last week.

Last week I got an oil change.

And it changed everything.

Not just my oil.

Though that was changed as well.

I hope (is there really a way to tell? How do I know these people aren't just taking my money and telling me they changed the oil. I ain't no rocket scientist. Nor am I a mechanic, who would probably be better suited to figure out if he was getting ripped off on oil changes. Though, why would he not just preform the oil change himself? And isn't being a rocket scientist just a more advanced form of being a mechanic? I don't know. Why are you asking me this? I'm not a rocket scientist. Not am I a mechanic...).

Anyway, the mechanic changed my oil (again, I hope he did at least) and the teller CHANGED MY LIFE!!! (Sorta. But not really though).

She says to me, "Were you on Bones?" she says.

A ha! So my coworker was not just delusional (perhaps I should not have accused her of such. I do feel a little guilty about all the verbal put-downs relating to her sanity... but only because she killed herself.). If one person thinks something, it may not be truth (except in the exception I already provided you with, dear readers), but if two people think something, independently of knowing one another, it is absolute fact. Which is how I know the end is Nye (but why would Bill Nye bring the end? All he wants to do is learn us some science. Perhaps science really has killed God...).

I must look like this Eric Millegan person. Though I do not see it, perhaps you do, dear readers. You've seen the photos sprinkled throughout this blog. Do I look like this Eric Millegan person? Two people have not simply thought I looked like him, they have confused me with him. Which confuses me, because we do not look that much alike. Do we?

We must. How could two people think something that isn't true? (Answer: they can't. It is impossible.)

So, new career plan. I am going to kill Eric Millegan, both providing me with a new career opportunity and quenching my blood lust, shutting up that voice in my head for another week or so. After all, Mr. Millegan's character is returning to Bones this season. So, I can impersonate him and become a minor TV actor! Hollywood, consider yourself ass raped.

But, according to the interwebs, Eric is gay...

Oh well. Everyone learns in film school that you aren't going to make it unless you're willing to suck a few cocks. I guess this is what they meant.

I am not Eric Millegan.

But I will suck a cock if it means stealing his life and getting away with his murder (but not really, Penises [Peniss? Peni?] are icky).