Halting the Evolution of Comedy

I watched Conan's last Tonight Show last night. It was the 14th Episode of the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien I watched... ever. I watched the first 11 episodes when Conan first became host. Then, I was present at a taping as an audience member. I caught one episode that a friend had Tivo'd on the most glorious, giant screen in the history of man, about midway through the run. Then I watched last night's final episode.

Two thoughts were going through my head as I watched the final Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien.

Why am I not watching my 24 Bluray?

And...

God, Late Night Talk Shows are lame.

Late Night Talks Shows are an outdated form of comedy. I suggest that they join the ranks of least entertaining comedy, a club they share with the CBS Sitcom and the TBS Show.

Watch any sitcom on CBS, whether it be Two and a Half Men, The New Adventures of Old Christine, or Big Bang Theory, and you will be transported back in time to the 1960s. The comedies on CBS seriously haven't evolved at all since the dawn of the sitcom. It's like they saw all the changes other networks have made over the years and intentionally ignored them.

Only on CBS will you find a complete comedy block of laugh track ridden sitcoms (I know most employ live audiences, but a live audience is no better than a laugh track), full of characters looking for love while making outdated sexual innuendos. Even though I hate The Office (US), at least it represents the fact that other networks have allowed the sitcom to evolve (though the fact that Parks and Rec and Modern Family are Office clones is very troubling). Honestly, the closest thing one can do to emulate traveling back in time is to watch a CBS comedy (until I finish my Time Machine). And, on CBS, if you're not watching a stale sitcom, you're watching a crime investigation show. Really, it's best never to tune into such a shitty network.

And TBS, well, one really doesn't have to say anything about TBS. Except that the choice of tagline "Very Funny" could not have been more poorly chosen.

I feel the Late Night Talk Show fits in the same camp as the CBS Sitcom. It is an incredibly outdated form of comedy that needs to be put down.

Leno isn't the only unfunny asshole in the bunch. Letterman, Fallon, Ferguson, and even Conan, are all guilty of holding the evolution of comedy hostage.

This was no more evident than Conan's clip show last night, highlighting the "best" moments of his Tonight Show run. Clips from lame sketches, clips involving "wacky" animals, clips of Conan goofing around on the Universal lot, and clips featuring "breath taking" stunts? Is this really all late night television can offer us?

I mean, seriously, in this day and age do we still need wacky and dangerous animals as guests? If you were to ask me, "What best represents the death of good television?" I just might say "Reality TV. And whenever an animal trainer is a guest on a late night show." I get it! They're animals! They're unpredictable! That bear COULD have ripped Conan apart (would have been far better TV if it had. And I wouldn't have to fearfully await ANOTHER new shitty late night talk show in 7 months.)!

 It's a boring formula. Host comes out, makes a few safe jokes about the day's news. The same jokes every other host will make that night. Then, a skit. Or something equally wacky. Maybe have bikes jumping off ramps (I can't believe something that lame made Conan's clip show) or attach Conan to a string and have him break stuff (again, super lame). Then, a guest. This is probably the only worthwhile part. But, even this is boring on a network Late Night Talk Show. No host ever asks a question that could possibly rub the guest the wrong way. No one asks anything interesting, it's just "Tell us again while you are so great? Pwetty pwease?" Then, second, B-List guest. End with a musical guest, that I never watch.

It's boring. It's not funny. Conan kept talking about how his Tonight Show was just about having fun on television. Maybe your staff was having fun, Mr. O'Brien, but I certainly wasn't.

Comedy should be about taking risks. If you're not risking alienating part of your audience, then you're not doing your job right, comedy writer.

Look at all the greatest Comedy shows of the last decade... South Park, Arrested Development, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, 30 Rock, Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Daily Show With Jon Stewart... all have pushed the envelop on what you can and can't joke about (some, more than others). And yes, I'm sure all have lost a few audience members along the way, because they were just too offended by something or another. But these shows are all the cream of the crop because they take the risks. Because they mess with the formula. They don't follow forty-year-old rules.

The Daily Show is most relevant to my point (the point being that the late night talk show is stale and shitty).  It IS the next evolution of the late night talk show. It takes the age old formula and fucks with it.

First, the host's monologue. Jon Stewart briefs us on the news, poking fun at how stupid politicians and "real" newscasters are. His humor is much more offensive, much more of an attack against stupid people, than you would find on a late night talk show.

Then, your skits. Instead of a poorly written sketch or lame "awe-inducing" stunt, Jon turns his correspondents loose for some Borat style humor. When faced with a naive newscaster, how will these real people stick their foot in their mouth? How will they reveal the ridiculousness of their own cause by talking with a newscaster who appears to agree with them, but is really mocking them?

Finally, the interview. This is where Mr. Stewart most sets himself apart from the network-late-night-drivel. Sure, I've never seen him outright tell an actor a clip from their movie sucked (though he's certainly hinted at it before...), but he does make the effort Leno, Letterman, Conan, Fallon, and Ferguson all fail to make. His interview with George Lucas is a great example of what he can do. To the best of my memory, he never asks "Why do the three new Star Wars suck so much?" but he comes pretty damn close. And whenever he has a politician on, it's an absolute dream! His arguments with John McCain are stuff of television legend...

 

Obviously, part of the difference is that Stewart has been granted the gift of cable while Conan and friends are chained down by Network standards. But, still... Arrested Development and 30 Rock could be funny and push the limit on Network... so why can't these late night knuckle heads?

One of my friends suggested that the point of a late night show isn't to make you laugh until your side's split. It's to amuse you until you fall asleep. He used Leno as an example, saying that Leno provides a few laughs, while making him sleepy. Should that ever be the point of comedy? To bore someone to sleep? Every comedy show, no matter what the hour, should strive to split one's sides (though not literally of course, that would be horrible!). I mean, really, who wants the job of writing jokes that put people to sleep?

Conan said last night that the Tonight Show is a job any comedian dreams of getting. I don't think so. Do you really think someone like Jon Stewart would be happy with the mediocrity the Tonight Show brings with it? His pay check would be bigger, sure, and his audience would double, but at what cost? His very soul?

I may not have the talent to be a comedian, but if I were presented with the choice to host the Tonight Show or be merely a correspondent on the Daily Show, I hope I would choose the latter (but who can say for sure, really?). Likewise, I would rather be a faceless writer on a groundbreaking sitcom than the face of outdated television.

In my own career, I consider the Daily Show the gold standard of TV Writing. My dream job, if I could write for ANY show on TV, it'd be the Daily Show.  Sure, I consider South Park and It's Always Sunny funnier shows, but the Daily Show is the golden standard of joke writing, four days a week.

Anyway, that's my perspective. In hindsight, I should have never watched Conan last night, because if I hadn't I surely would have written a less serious and hateful blog. But, I have nothing but hate for people who drag down television. And I hope that occasionally amusing you in other blog posts has earned me the right to simply present my boring thoughts from time to time.

I love you!

I am a great potential husband.

That's right. I have created my first trilogy (well, my second trilogy, if you count "The Quest For Quest." [Hopefully you have no idea what I am talking about]).

I am speaking, of course, of my "I am" blog trilogy. It started two nights ago with the now classic first chapter, "I am a parasite." The epic story of Nick Doll was continued last night with the engrossing middle part, "I am not a dick," which, like all second chapters (The Empire Strikes Back, Temple of Doom), was a dark departure from the first in it's usage of the word "not." Tonight, after an over 24 hour wait, comes the third, thrilling and final blog in the "I am" Trilogy, that you didn't even know was comming, "I am a great potential husband."

I am a great potential husband.

If you can put up with my being a parasite and not a dick, you will find this to be true.

But don't take my word for it... take my evidence for it.

I may not be funny, or entertaining in the least, but I can put up with the same thing, over and over. The "same thing" being you, my potential bride (unless you are a family member, or a dude, cause that's disgusting... Or a fat chick. No fat chicks. Handicaps [or handicapables as I call them] may actually be okay. Just don't be a fat handicapable chick).

I mean, come on ladies, isn't that what's most important when looking for your great potential husband? Someone who can put up with you for the rest of your life (as soon as you die [and I will outlive you if it's the last thing I do] I am using my wealth and fame generated by this blog to hook up with an 18 year-old.)?

And yes, I have that evidence I promised. I saw Sherlock Holmes 3 times, in less than one week. I have seen Raiders of the Lost Ark and Fight Club almost innumerable times. I have watched every episode of Arrested Development (that's 53 episodes!) over 50 times. If I really love something, I will watch it again and again. So, if I really love you, I will put up with you for the rest of your life (until I am free to hook up with that 18 year-old after what the media will refer to as your "suspicious passing").

But, and there is a butt in our relationship (yours, I have no measurable ass), I can only put up with certain kinds of people for eternity (by which I mean 23 years, which is when you meet your untimely end by nearly untraceable poison). Sure, I can watch Sherlock Holmes forever and not get bored. But, for every Sherlock Holmes, there are over a hundred movies I could not sit through more than once.

If you are sexy, engaging, clever, exciting, and action packed (okay, that last one may not explain a lady as well as it does a movie) like Sherlock Holmes, we're in business for 23 years (less if you get fugly too fast). If you are a long, stupid, bore with blue skin like Avatar, then, I'm sorry honey, our relationship just won't last (I know it's not always easy to tell if a person is stupid and a bore before marriage if the sex is great enough, but hopefully the blue skin will be a dead giveaway [and yes, I will stop insulting Avatar as soon as all the "Avatar fans" come clean and stop lying to themselves and others]).

So, what do you say? Will you marry me?

...

...

What else do you want? I just proved that if you are the female equivalent of Sherlock Holmes (the movie, not the fictional character) I will stay with you until I poison you! That's a guarantee of no divorce (because if you try to divorce me, I'll just poison you ahead of schedule [I already have the poison!]!)! Exclamation point.

What more do you want in a husband?

Hmmm, okay... let's see what else I got...

I bathe daily... twice daily if I go to the gym after my morning shower... I'm not a dick... I have a dick... and if you say no, I'll poison you (one way or another you are getting poisoned.)!

That's about it. But hopefully that is enough (the threat of poisoning is enough alone, I would think). Because it's all I have to offer.

So, you know, think about it. Maybe sleep on it (but not too long, because it may be the last sleep you ever take on it).

Because I am a great potential husband.

And so ends another trilogy. Where each chapter was more disappointing than the last (Pirates, Matrix, Austin Powers, Lord of the Rings, I'm looking at yous guys).

I love you!

If you don't find Will Arnett funny, we probaly have nothing in common...

Will Arnett has a voice and comedic timing that make the simplest of lines hilarious. He is, in my humble opinion, the funniest comedian of all time, and it's a shame he hasn't had a well-written lead role since Arrested Development (let's face it, any comedy in Let's Go to Prison or Brothers Soloman came from Arnett's delivery and on screen presence, not the crappy scripts).

Here's a top 5 list for the man who can go head to head with Alec Baldwin in a "gruff off." It's a shame the rest of America is not as tickled by him as I am.


1. Gob Bluth (ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT) -
The role that made the man or the man that made the role? Arrested Development's strongest asset may be its amazing script (the greatest collection of writing in the history of mankind), but AD would not be AD without Will Arnett. I love the rest of the cast to death, but I think the single most important aspect of the show after the script is Will Arentt's portrayel of a Magician named GOB.

2. Devon Banks (30 ROCK) -
Will Arnett's delivery is top notch, his gruff inflection makes Alec Baldwin seem like Kelly Rippa in comparison. Devon is GOB, with a little bit of homosexuality thrown in.

3. Will Arnett (HUMAN GIANT) -
Fantastic. Somehow this bio role is able to be even more ridiculous than any other Arnett role. "I'm Gonna Live Forever!"


4. Max the Magician (SESAME STREET) -
Somehow Will Arnett got paid to play GOB after the cancellation of AD. Even with no racy content, Arnett delivers. GOB would be a little offended by the amount of time Max say's "Trick." Illusians, Michael!

5. Stranz Van Waldenberg (BLADES OF GLORY) -
Will Arnett always rocks as the bad guy, and it's hard to beat a chase scene on ice skates involving Arnett chasing Will Ferrell through a shopping mall, crossbow included!

Runner Ups:

Jonathan (HOT ROD) -
Babe Wait! Baaaabe Wait! Babe! Wait!

Lou Redwood (SEMI-PRO) -
Though the rest of his part blows, Arnett does almost kill Tim Meadows after Meadows calls him a "Jive Turkey"

Messiah (WRISTCUTTERS: A LOVE STORY) -
Arnett is a cult leader. Enough said.