Halting the Evolution of Comedy

I watched Conan's last Tonight Show last night. It was the 14th Episode of the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien I watched... ever. I watched the first 11 episodes when Conan first became host. Then, I was present at a taping as an audience member. I caught one episode that a friend had Tivo'd on the most glorious, giant screen in the history of man, about midway through the run. Then I watched last night's final episode.

Two thoughts were going through my head as I watched the final Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien.

Why am I not watching my 24 Bluray?

And...

God, Late Night Talk Shows are lame.

Late Night Talks Shows are an outdated form of comedy. I suggest that they join the ranks of least entertaining comedy, a club they share with the CBS Sitcom and the TBS Show.

Watch any sitcom on CBS, whether it be Two and a Half Men, The New Adventures of Old Christine, or Big Bang Theory, and you will be transported back in time to the 1960s. The comedies on CBS seriously haven't evolved at all since the dawn of the sitcom. It's like they saw all the changes other networks have made over the years and intentionally ignored them.

Only on CBS will you find a complete comedy block of laugh track ridden sitcoms (I know most employ live audiences, but a live audience is no better than a laugh track), full of characters looking for love while making outdated sexual innuendos. Even though I hate The Office (US), at least it represents the fact that other networks have allowed the sitcom to evolve (though the fact that Parks and Rec and Modern Family are Office clones is very troubling). Honestly, the closest thing one can do to emulate traveling back in time is to watch a CBS comedy (until I finish my Time Machine). And, on CBS, if you're not watching a stale sitcom, you're watching a crime investigation show. Really, it's best never to tune into such a shitty network.

And TBS, well, one really doesn't have to say anything about TBS. Except that the choice of tagline "Very Funny" could not have been more poorly chosen.

I feel the Late Night Talk Show fits in the same camp as the CBS Sitcom. It is an incredibly outdated form of comedy that needs to be put down.

Leno isn't the only unfunny asshole in the bunch. Letterman, Fallon, Ferguson, and even Conan, are all guilty of holding the evolution of comedy hostage.

This was no more evident than Conan's clip show last night, highlighting the "best" moments of his Tonight Show run. Clips from lame sketches, clips involving "wacky" animals, clips of Conan goofing around on the Universal lot, and clips featuring "breath taking" stunts? Is this really all late night television can offer us?

I mean, seriously, in this day and age do we still need wacky and dangerous animals as guests? If you were to ask me, "What best represents the death of good television?" I just might say "Reality TV. And whenever an animal trainer is a guest on a late night show." I get it! They're animals! They're unpredictable! That bear COULD have ripped Conan apart (would have been far better TV if it had. And I wouldn't have to fearfully await ANOTHER new shitty late night talk show in 7 months.)!

 It's a boring formula. Host comes out, makes a few safe jokes about the day's news. The same jokes every other host will make that night. Then, a skit. Or something equally wacky. Maybe have bikes jumping off ramps (I can't believe something that lame made Conan's clip show) or attach Conan to a string and have him break stuff (again, super lame). Then, a guest. This is probably the only worthwhile part. But, even this is boring on a network Late Night Talk Show. No host ever asks a question that could possibly rub the guest the wrong way. No one asks anything interesting, it's just "Tell us again while you are so great? Pwetty pwease?" Then, second, B-List guest. End with a musical guest, that I never watch.

It's boring. It's not funny. Conan kept talking about how his Tonight Show was just about having fun on television. Maybe your staff was having fun, Mr. O'Brien, but I certainly wasn't.

Comedy should be about taking risks. If you're not risking alienating part of your audience, then you're not doing your job right, comedy writer.

Look at all the greatest Comedy shows of the last decade... South Park, Arrested Development, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, 30 Rock, Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Daily Show With Jon Stewart... all have pushed the envelop on what you can and can't joke about (some, more than others). And yes, I'm sure all have lost a few audience members along the way, because they were just too offended by something or another. But these shows are all the cream of the crop because they take the risks. Because they mess with the formula. They don't follow forty-year-old rules.

The Daily Show is most relevant to my point (the point being that the late night talk show is stale and shitty).  It IS the next evolution of the late night talk show. It takes the age old formula and fucks with it.

First, the host's monologue. Jon Stewart briefs us on the news, poking fun at how stupid politicians and "real" newscasters are. His humor is much more offensive, much more of an attack against stupid people, than you would find on a late night talk show.

Then, your skits. Instead of a poorly written sketch or lame "awe-inducing" stunt, Jon turns his correspondents loose for some Borat style humor. When faced with a naive newscaster, how will these real people stick their foot in their mouth? How will they reveal the ridiculousness of their own cause by talking with a newscaster who appears to agree with them, but is really mocking them?

Finally, the interview. This is where Mr. Stewart most sets himself apart from the network-late-night-drivel. Sure, I've never seen him outright tell an actor a clip from their movie sucked (though he's certainly hinted at it before...), but he does make the effort Leno, Letterman, Conan, Fallon, and Ferguson all fail to make. His interview with George Lucas is a great example of what he can do. To the best of my memory, he never asks "Why do the three new Star Wars suck so much?" but he comes pretty damn close. And whenever he has a politician on, it's an absolute dream! His arguments with John McCain are stuff of television legend...

 

Obviously, part of the difference is that Stewart has been granted the gift of cable while Conan and friends are chained down by Network standards. But, still... Arrested Development and 30 Rock could be funny and push the limit on Network... so why can't these late night knuckle heads?

One of my friends suggested that the point of a late night show isn't to make you laugh until your side's split. It's to amuse you until you fall asleep. He used Leno as an example, saying that Leno provides a few laughs, while making him sleepy. Should that ever be the point of comedy? To bore someone to sleep? Every comedy show, no matter what the hour, should strive to split one's sides (though not literally of course, that would be horrible!). I mean, really, who wants the job of writing jokes that put people to sleep?

Conan said last night that the Tonight Show is a job any comedian dreams of getting. I don't think so. Do you really think someone like Jon Stewart would be happy with the mediocrity the Tonight Show brings with it? His pay check would be bigger, sure, and his audience would double, but at what cost? His very soul?

I may not have the talent to be a comedian, but if I were presented with the choice to host the Tonight Show or be merely a correspondent on the Daily Show, I hope I would choose the latter (but who can say for sure, really?). Likewise, I would rather be a faceless writer on a groundbreaking sitcom than the face of outdated television.

In my own career, I consider the Daily Show the gold standard of TV Writing. My dream job, if I could write for ANY show on TV, it'd be the Daily Show.  Sure, I consider South Park and It's Always Sunny funnier shows, but the Daily Show is the golden standard of joke writing, four days a week.

Anyway, that's my perspective. In hindsight, I should have never watched Conan last night, because if I hadn't I surely would have written a less serious and hateful blog. But, I have nothing but hate for people who drag down television. And I hope that occasionally amusing you in other blog posts has earned me the right to simply present my boring thoughts from time to time.

I love you!

Pardon My Internet Speak, But WTF, Life!?!

Shit. I was going to write a blog about a lady who came in and complained that the religious section was too small at my Barnes and Noble store. I was going to comment on how our religious section is actually huuuuge (unless you are a religious nut, apparently), spanning like 3 isles of double sided bookshelves. The Christian part alone is like two complete isles... and she was totes Christian! Our Humor section is literally 1/6 the size, being only the single side of a bookshelf. Shelves upon shelves for God and only room for several copies of Jon Stewart's book? What kind of God would allow this atrocity to take place?

That would have made a damn fine blog, if I do say so myself. And I do... say so... myself. But, life has a way of getting in the way (Jesus H. Christ [see, I can be as religious as the next guy], that sounds like a shitty logline from a shittily titled movie like It's Complicated [maybe I should have named this blog, It's Complicated!... cause it is. Because everything fucking is! Which is why that is the shittiest title in the history of shitty titles! {Besides Everything's Fine, which is much, much worse. Because if Everything's Fine, why the fuck am I watching this movie?}!]!)!

So, life through me two pitches, nice and slow, right over the plate. I mean, these are both pitches that ordinarily, I would be thrilled to receive, cause they would both be home runs! But, because said pitches were both thrown at the exact same time, they became a single curve ball that [INSERT NAME OF FAMOUS BASEBALL PLAYER WHO IS A GREAT HITTER HERE] himself could not hit. Don't ask me how two great pitches became one horrifying curve ball, that's simply how the game of baseball works. Which I don't understand (see, I'm so confused I am making baseball metaphors! Baseball metaphors!).

This guy looks famous enough. Even HE could not hit this curveball.

The first sweet bit of news, that, had it come on any other day, I would have been so fucking stoked to receive (and I am still pretty pleased with). As you know, I have been working at Barnes and Noble these past 3 or so months. I was hired on a seasonal hire, simply extra help with the added Christmas crowds. But, even at my interview, the chance of being kept on was mentioned. So I have worked toward this (being kept on past Jan. 31st, I mean). Because, I want to have an income, even if it is part time. And, I really do enjoy working at Barnes and Noble, as much as one can enjoy a job that is not screenwriting (my dream job). Hell, I've spent the last 2 months primarily on the 3rd floor, which at my B&N is DVD/Bluray land. All the movies reside here. My DVD/Bluray collection being my greatest pride in this world, there is no retail position I would rather work than a DVD/Bluray department.

So, the news. Today, my manager Nick (no relation), who you know from the Star Trek: Nemesis deleted scene (I knew I would work in Star Trek somehow), has news for me. He tells me that not only do they want to keep me on, they want to make me DVD lead! Meaning, I am in charge of the 3rd floor (under the 3rd floor manager of course). I would be king of the DVDs/Blurays! KING!

Sure, there is no extra pay because B&N is only allowed to officially hire a lead for a department if the department meets a certain quota ours does not... but it's still a great "promotion." I get more regular hours, even in slow weeks, I am in a great position to become an actual lead in a few months (which would mean more money and hours, as I understand it) and, who knows, eventually a manager in the distant future, and I control the department. Which, mainly means I get to present it how I like. That's right, I control the displays and presentation of DVD/Bluray land. Pretty freaking sweet. Nerdgasm.

I have never been "promoted" (even if it's not pay wise) based on merit before! The last time I got promoted was when the federal minimum wage went up (which is not a joke. That is fact. Which is very, very sad). Unless you count moving from an unpaid internship with no perks to an unpaid internship where lunch is free everyday (which I don't). Because I once did that too (what an exciting life I lead)! So, I did feel super stoked to get promoted. And super excited at what this news could mean for the near future.

But apparently good news comes in twos. Twos that contradict each other and make me confused and stressed out.

Okay, so, even though it is not common knowledge, I have been up to something even the US government can not muster, my exit strategy (har-dee-har-har). Yes, fed up with unpaid internships and the promise of years of Hollywood bitch work, I have been planning to move to a cheaper locale than LA to work retail while I continue to write. Support myself on a retail salary in a place where rent is $500 cheaper a month than LA. Because, if I'm going to work retail, what am I doing in LA?

So, I had it all figured out. All I had to do was get someone to fill my seat hole. Someone to sublet my apartment until the lease ends around May 23rd, or what-have-you. And, I was far into this process as well, whether you knew about my exit strategy or not. I cleaned the shit out of my bathroom, room, and kitchen, to levels I actually find insanitary because they are TOO clean. And my roommate showed the apartment tonight.

So, guess what the news is? The person she showed it too loved the place and wants to move in ASAP. I could be out of LA by Feb. 1st, which was my best case scenario.

So, today, life gave me two things I wanted. But, they are two things that both cannot happen. I can't escape LA cleanly and immediately, like I have been dreaming of pulling of for a month now, AND be the King of DVD/Bluray land.

And Bluray/DVD Land fulfills something else I have wanted more than anything for a month now (besides escape from LA). Ever since deciding to leave, I have partly given up on the writing dream, cause, let's face it, if you don't live in LA, your chances of being a screenwriter are decreased drastically. I know its melodramatic, but without this goal, my life has been kinda pointless. I had been looking forward to moving back to Colorado, but what past that? I'd been looking forward to being a writer for so long, without such a goal my life is empty. So, this job not only keeps the goal alive by keeping me in LA, it gives me purpose in my current job, because just hearing I was now the DVD lead gave me a new sense of pride I have not had in a job since my first unpaid internship (boy, I was naive then).

So, what the fuck do I do now? Any pointers? I really would love some advice. Just post it below, or Fbook me. Please!

I'm leaning toward staying for now. Try the DVD Lead thing at least until my lease is up in May, then reassess things. I don't know though...

Sorry to be such a downer... but please... a little help? I'd help you... (maybe)...