That's right, you can make a difference! Just you! All by yourself! Like a big boy/girl!
It's true. Just look at all these people who have made a difference...
Adolf Hitler
Joseph Stalin
Ghengis Khan
Ok, so all those people were evil. Just look at all the non-evil individuals who have made a difference...
Luke Skywalker
James Bond
Khan (I mean, Khaaaaaaan!)
Okay, so those were all fictional. And Khan was evil AND fictional. But there are non-evil, real, flesh and blood people who have made a difference too...
I just can't think of anyway.
The point is YOU can make a difference. Right here and right now (or, at the very least, right near here in a time slightly later than now [cause you're reading this blog at present]).
All you need to do is give your old cell phone to a homeless person. It doesn't need to have service. It doesn't have to hold a charge. It just needs to look like a cell phone.
It's a win/win!
First, the cell phone is recycled! So it's not thrown in some landfill where it eventually gets swallowed by a mutant (following the nuclear apocalypse of 2012 [damn those Mayans, there were right! But so was Planet of the Apes...]) who doesn't know better, causing it to choke to death (or, if it survives, the phone is still lodged in its mutant throat, so the poor creature can no longer eat, so it very slowly [and very painfully] starves to death. It's kind of comical really, the mutant gets so skinny that your old cell phone is visible, bulging out of it's skinny little neck). I know you've been saving all your cell phones to use the parts to construct your time machine and/or robot slave, but think about more than just yourself for a moment here! Who ever heard of anyone changing the world with a time machine!
Looking pretty insane...Second (as in the second win in this win/win scenario), the homeless person who receives your phone no longer looks insane! Let me explain briefly (if I am capable of this).
All homeless people talk to themselves. This is a scientific fact. It has been this way since the beginning of time (well, at least since the beginning of homes).
They mutter to themselves, the carry out one-sided (sometimes two-sided) conversations, and they most certainly shout at the top of their lungs that their paper bag has been stolen by scarecrows. They appear insane. Each and every one of them. Fucking homeless.
But with cell phones, they need not look crazy! If you give a homeless person a cell phone (a much better choice than giving a mouse a cookie, because if you give a mouse a cookie, you are
just asking for a rodent infestation [which is preferable to a homeless infestation. Fucking homeless!), you are giving them their dignity back (what little dignity such putrid human beings like the homeless deserve).
Yay! Dignity!If you see a dirty bearded man, dressed in rags, talking gibberish with a cell phone next to his ear, what is the first thing you think? I'll tell you what you will think, "I sure hope that man is not planning a terrorist attack. Perhaps I should notify the proper authorities." But this is good. This means you are not thinking, "That homeless person is insane. I should murder the lot of them someday.... That someday is today, mutha' fucka'! (*cocks shotgun*) Let's hunt!"
You don't know the phone isn't functional. That man could very well be talking to his lawyer about the seagull who stole his refrigerator.
And you don't have to donate an old phone either. Have a headset that came with your phone but don't want to look like a faggity douche (I do not use faggit as slur against gay people, I simply use it to explain people like Hollywood folk who may use a headset) by using it? Donate that to a homeless person. As long as he is smart enough to not leave the cord hanging at his waste (which may be too much to expect from the subhuman creatures known as the homeless) , that's enough to make him look like a faggity douche... a faggity douche who is not homeless or crazy (just a faggity douche).
Anyway, tomorrow, when that homeless person asks you some change, give him change instead (the Obama variety); give him your old cell phone or unused headset (assuming you are not a faggity douche). Because, that food he wants may keep him alive for a few days, but the dignity you provide him will feed him for a lifetime (because, for all we know, homeless people can live off dignity alone. We simply don't know, because there has yet to be a single homeless person in the history of man who ever had any).
Anyway, food for thought.
Be seeing you.
P.S. OF COURSE IT WAS DESIGNED BY A YOUTUBE EMPLOYEE'S FOUR YEAR OLD SON. IT LOOKS LIKE SHIT!
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