Anyway, that explains the title. It also explains why I strive to end every feature script I write with a cum joke. It is Bond related, so I thought it a fitting title and antidote for a Bond centric blog. Now for the real deal...
Goldeneye, of course, is not only one of the greatest video games of all time, it was also the greatest James Bond movie for 11 years. From it's release in 1995 until 2006 when Casino Royale rocked everyone's metaphorical socks off, Goldeneye was the greatest James Bond movie... ever.
Sean Connery may have been the best Bond for those 11 years (Daniel Craig is better...), but Goldeneye was better than any Bond movie Sir Connery had been in. Take a poll of a large group of Bond fans (in other words, Men over the age of 13) and the titles that will come up the most for their pick of greatest Bond flicks will most surely include Goldfinger, Dr. No, From Russia With Love, Goldeneye, and Casino Royale.
I've always maintained that the best villains are those that mirror the hero (see also Renee Belloq and Venom) and 006 was just that. He was a former 00 Agent like Bond, with that British wit and charm, the training, and the Q-Gadgets. Like Bond, he lost his parents at a young age and fell under the care of the British government. Unlike Bond, he blamed the British Gov for the death of his parents. Snap!
It didn't hurt that 006 was played by Sean Bean, one of the greatest villain actors of all time (see also Patriot Games).
Some of my fondest memories of the Bond franchise stem from the awesome dialogue between 006 and 007, both before and after the revelation that he was a baddie. A buddy of mine in highschool and I used to quote 006/007 convos back and forth during class. It was often in a mocking way, yes, but the admiration for the source material was legitimate.
One of my favorite movie scenes ever is when 006 reveals himself to 007 as the baddie in the abandoned park full of old soviet era statues. The dialogue is just... so crunchy! The revelation that 006 is even still alive... so shocking! The betrayal so... betraying. Orgasmic... really. Nothing like a strong villainous exchange. And this is one of the strongest.
Goldeneye is just so fucking good. Definitely one of my top 25 favorite movies. One of the movies I most want to see released on Bluray (I really wish I could watch it after this blog, but alas... I only own two versions of it on DVD...).
So, I almost flipped my lid last night when I saw a TV Spot for a movie, while being forced to watch a CBS show... ugh... CBS shows are sooooo generic and outdated.... like Television's black hole... where writer's go to stagnate...
That's right. Almost flipped my lid! I'm not ever sure what it means, but I know deep inside that it almost happened. And that worries me... If I didn't already go to the doctor today for a pain in my chest, I would most likely go to have him check out this near lid flipping experience.
Apparently, Google image search has no idea what "flipping your lid" means either. I should be thankful (or, disappointed, rather) that nothing sexual popped up. I did recently turn my safe search off (Oooooh, yeah! I like to live dangerously.).
Anyway... (I say that a lot. [Only because I get off topic a lot.])
This trailer... had Pierce Brosnan... and Sean Bean... in the SAME MOVIE!
AGAIN!
No, I am not fucking with you right now. This honest-to-God is real.
You're barely able to contain your excitement (why did I just type sexcitment? Thanks for catching that one, Spell Check.), I know. I just about flipped your lid, didn't I? I bet that was painful. Sorry about that. But, it couldn't be helped.
I had to share this news with someone. And who better than you? Because I love you. I have mentioned that before, right? Well, if not, then... I love you. There, now I've mentioned it. So, it's no longer a secret. Much healthier.
So, "What is this amazing, tour-de-force of acting?" you must be screaming at your screen right now. What movie could possibly contain Pierce Brosnan and Sean Bean? Again. Well, I'll tell you...
Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightening Thief!
...
?
I know, right.
WHAT THE FUCK is this movie and WHY THE HELL is 007 not in the title!? I swear to Shat...
Apparently it is based off the first book in a fairly popular children's book series. Think Harry Potter or Diary of a Wimpy Kid (which I already graciously introduced you to). Then cut that shit's popularity in more than half. Cause it ain't no Harry Potter or Wimpy Kid (because people go ape shit for Harry Potter and Wimpy Kid). It does have it's own table at ole' B&N. Which is the only reason I am aware it is a popular children's book series.
So, yeah, Sean Bean and Pierce Brosnan are back together again! And their reunion is wasted on the young (like everything [this cumming {Sorry. I really am.} from a 21-year-old {I'll be 22 this month!}.].)! Really, 006 would be rolling in his grave. Assuming he is even dead! We saw that mass of machinery fall on him, but in Bond world, that doesn't mean he's dead!
Even though my heart really did skip a beat (I did have the doctor check that out today, but it wasn't related to my chest pain, interestingly enough.) when I saw those two great men in the same trailer, there's no way I'll see that movie.
Cause that shit's for kids! Not like Bond. Whose Oscar worthy dialog and realistic portrayals of sex and violence can only be appreciated by adults (*Wink!*).
(Seriously though, the "Christmas only cums once" line was lost on me until I watched The World Is Not Enough as an "adult" two months ago. Must have seen it ten times as a kid and never got it...)
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