My Heart Aches for Peyton

Poor, poor Peyton.

The man just can't catch a break. He's without a doubt the best player in the NFL, yet his Superbowl stats don't reflect it. He's only won one (to two too) right? And he's only been twice? Yet his talent is such that he should have won at least fives years in a row by now.

The man's a god. Which must be why God hates him so much as to fuck him out of Superbowls that are rightfully his. Honestly, every time Peyton Manning doesn't win the Superbowl it is a monumental outrage. A crime against nature. A fate raping.

Now, I didn't watch the Superbowl (for the 3rd year in a row). Because I was at work at B&N. So I don't know any of the deets (details for you non "hip" peeps [people for you non "hip" peeps]). But I can only assume that Peyton was robbed. Because, come on, he's Peyton Manning for fucks sake!

Now, here's what I'm thinking. Everyone knows that Peyton Manning was gifted with two unbelievable skills. He is not only the best player in the entire NFL, he is also the best commercial actor on TV. They'll be no reason for Peyton to pull a Farve ("Pulling a Farve" is also synonymous with "Pulling a Leno") because when it is time for him to retire (If that time ever comes. Peyton may just be ageless.) he can just settle into his acting career.

I can see it now, a franchise starring Peyton Manning. I'm thinking Peyton should either play some sort of super-spy or superhero. His character could be a quarterback by day, a crime fighter by night. Then, Peyton could move onto a series of comedic films, about dudes who just enjoy having sex and being Bad-Ass. Dan and I already have plans to write the first Peyton Manning comedy (So, don't steal it, okay? Because I will fucking kill you [in a very poetic way]). Then, Peyton could be a starship captain in a new Star Trek series that will follow this current Kirk/Spock/Bones reboot series. It would totally be a TV show with the occasional motion picture. He'd be the most bad-ass and hilarious captain in all of Starfleet.

I've got it all mapped out. So, when you're done with football, call me, Peyton my main man. Let's talk biznatch (business for you non "hip" peeps?).

But, honestly, here's what I'm thinking.  Peyton may have been robbed of his award in February, but March doesn't have to be the same tragedy repeated.

Members of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, please give Peyton Manning the Oscar for Best Actor at the 82nd Annual Academy Awards. He may have not starred in any movies yet, but it's only a matter of time now until he does. It would really go a long way in cheering ole' Peyton up.

Besides, it's not like any of this years nominees for Best Actor were that great anyway.