Nothing's Tastier than Hamm

Jon Hamm.

Men want to be him. Women want him to be inside them. And I want both. Because he's Jon Hamm.

Though I am not gay, nor a woman, and I have been told I am wrong by women many times, but I do think Jon Hamm must be the most attractive man in the world. He is the ideal man. And it doesn't make me gay to say that. Because I'm saying it about Jon Hamm (who, like Brad Pitt and Mel Gibson before him, it is entirely appropriate to have a man crush on).

And I know I really shouldn't write about Jon Hamm during what is officially Mel Gibson's week (go see Edge of Darkness, by the way. Riggs needs you!), but I just can't help myself. Because he's Jon Hamm!

Now, for those of you who don't know who Jon Hamm is (because you're an idiot), he's most famous for being the star of the fantastic show, Mad Men (which you have never seen because you are an idiot). He plays Don Draper, a real man's man... because he's not afraid to cheat on his wife in the 1960s.

And he can sell anything. Including cheating on his wife.

The world really needs more Jon Hamm. Sure, Mad Men is perhaps the second greatest drama show of all time in this blogger's not-so-humble opinion (right behind Dexter). But Jon Hamm deserves even more. He deserves starring roles in movies, not bit parts in shitty Keanu Reeves vechiles like The Day the Earth Stood Still (which, to be fair, I have never seen. So I'm saying it's shitty based on second hand opinions.). He deserves to be a real star! Not simply one of the most respected actors working in television today.

Jon Hamm has gotten a little love outside of Mad Men (and the copious amount of awards he was won for his work on Mad Men). His stint on 30 Rock in Season 3 places him alongside the 30 Rock guest star greats, a very exclusive and impressive club that includes Will Arnett (the funniest man to ever walk the face of planet Earth) and James Franco.

Also, his portrayal of Lex Luthor in THIS Funny Or Die sketch is not to be missed. 

Because of how much he looks like Clark Kent and how well he plays Mr. Luthor, I have long maintained the belief that the ultimate Jon Hamm project would be a Superman Movie starring Jon Hamm as both Superman and Lex Luthor. And no, I am not joking. There would be no better way to make a Superman Movie, or no other version of Superman I would be more interested in.

Because, let's face it, Superman is the shittiest superhero ever. He's invincible except for one thing! Kryptonite. So, guess what the villain is going to pull out every damn movie to defeat him...

Plus, he doesn't wear a mask, yet no one know's he's Superman?  He just removes his glasses and curls a strand of hair? Superman is shit. Not, "the shit." Just shit.

But I'm being distracted from obsessing over Hamm. Hamm's non-Mad Men highlights have been his hosting gigs on SNL (I really hope everyone reading this blog knows what that stands for). He's done it twice now in two years, and I really hope SNL makes it an annual thing. Because that guarantees they will have at least one person who watches several sketches on Hulu one day a year (what an enticing offer. I don't see how they can't have Jon Hamm back again next year). Assuming Hulu remains free. Cause I ain't paying for that shit.

 

Allow me to allow Jon Hamm to entertain you this blog. Because he is far better at entertaining than I am. And he is far better looking. Damn. How can God bless one man with such good looks (I swear I'm not gay) and such comedic chops? It's not fair. Really proves there isn't a God...

I have embedded the Jon Hamm SNL highlights (hope this works!). From both his hosting gigs. Because, being SNL, watching every skit is painful. Because many are painfully bad. But I have endured such pain for you. Because I love you. And, as I have stated before, I am the son of God. Even though there is no God.

Good luck surviving the easily ignorable Haiti ads, though.

Jon Hamm's 2010 Monologue

 

Jon Hamm informs us that he is simply an actor. And not all his roles were as suave and commanding as Don Draper.

Jon Hamm's John Ham

Quite possibly my favorite Jon Hamm sketch of all time. Brilliant.

Hamm & Buble

The incredible "sequel" to Jon Hamm's John Ham. Possibly better than the original as the mean side of Hamm is hilarious. I stock and sell Michael Buble's album almost daily at Barnes and Noble, but who knew he wasn't just another pretty faced singing hack? He's got a sense of humor!

Don Draper's Guide to Picking Up Women

Highlights why Don Draper is so awesome. 

 New Senator

Jon Hamm is a good dancer.

Digital Short: The Curse

Only Hamm can out cool the Kool Aid man.

Barnes and Noble

 

Finally, Jon Hamm presents the history of my employer. Too true. We DO have a homeless problem.

Well, that's it. But at least I'm proven my point. Jon Hamm is hilarious. And the best looking man on planet Earth. 

And, yes, I did learn how to embed videos halfway through the blog. So, hopefully, in the future, links shall be a thing of the past for me. And my blogs will take longer to load. Because I love you.

You're quite welcome.