Behold... the trailer... for BABIES!
The Barnes and Noble were I work shares a building with The Landmark movie theater. It really is a gnarly (yes, gnarly) theater. Assigned, super comfy seats, a great selection of indie and main stream fair (it's where I saw Sherlock Holmes all 3 times). The third floor, where DVD/Bluray Land is geographically situated, happens to be right across the hall from part of The Landmark. Only glass windows and doors separate where I work from a wall of HD Televisions playing a constant loop of movie trailers.
This is where I first learned of BABIES (and Sex and the City 2 [yes, there is already a Sex and the City 2]).
I couldn't believe this trailer when I first saw it. Granted, I couldn't hear it. Because glass separates me from the HD Screens, I can only see the trailers, whilst listening to one of four CDs of Music Barnes and Noble plays, which I can only assume are designed to get the customer to buy a book rather than staying to read it, as staying to read it would mean listening to the music Barnes and Noble chooses to play.
People are stupid.
My suspicions were first aroused (tee-he-he) when Avatard became the highest grossing movie of all time (without adjusting for inflation, mind you). I can understand how such a film could make over $200 million, as equally shitty films like Transformers pull off the feat quite often, I thought. But, I could not rectify how a film as brainless as Avatar could make an excess of $600 million worldwide. It is not uncommon for stupid blockbusters to rake in the dough in one record setting weekend and then see the large drop of around 60% of the audience in the weeks that followed. But it is uncommon for these shitty, shitty, substance-less movies to keep an audience for as long as Avatard has.
So, that was simply the first sign that something was wrong. That people, worldwide, had finally reached a new level of stupidity. I was like the scientist in every disaster movie imaginable (who also shared a brain and dialog with the scientists of Avatard). I brought the warning of impending doom, saw this disaster coming, and even though it was too late to prevent, we could have started evacuating some people. But no one listened. And now it is too late to save anyone.
I get it, babies are cute. And adorable. And the things they do can be even more cuter and even more adorabler than they are. I even admit that watching the trailer for BABIES was not an altogether horrible way to spend two minutes. But you have to be a fucking moron to spend two hours watching BABIES. At the cost of $11. A fucking moron.
Maybe I am jumping the gun, just a bit. After all, BABIES isn't a hit, yet (trust me, it will be). But, really, it is just insulting to me that this movie exists at all.
BABIES is the equivalent of reality television (reality TV being the lowest form of TV in existence currently). No, I'm not saying documentaries are the equivalent of reality television. I am saying BABIES is the equivalent of reality television.
BABIES is effectively cashing in on the cuteness of babies. It's taking advantage of babies! Babies! The director is a monster of a prick. A brilliant monster of a prick, but a monster of a prick all the same.
Cashing in on babies is nothing new. But at least Hollywood had the dignity to make the babies talk and fight crime using CGI in the past (after all, who can forget Baby Geniuses? I will never forget. Can never forget.). But this monstrous prick has sunk to the new low of simply filming babies and selling that as a product.What a fucker.
PUPPIES
THE ELDERLY
Really, all I'm saying, is that if you see BABIES, you are an idiot. And you cannot be saved.
I may or may not silently judge you when you tell me you think Avatard is a good movie ("Hey, I'm smarter than this person!"), but I guarantee my opinion of you drops if you pay to see BABIES. And if you rent it, your intelligence level becomes suspect. My judgment pending what your thoughts on Avatard were...
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