Doc Ock was just misunderstood.

In honor of the death of Sam Raimi's Spider-Man franchise, tonight, I humbly submit to you, the blog reader, a blog relating to the second film in the late franchise, Spider-Man 2. You don't have to have seen Spider-Man 2 to enjoy this blog, dear reader, though there will be spoilers (all should actually be common sense to anyone who has seen any super hero movie, so I consider them barely spoilers).

Doc Ock was just misunderstood.

I mean, what mad scientist who accidentally melts giant robotic arms with their own evil artificial intelligence to his spine wouldn't be?  (Note: only Sam Raimi could make this plot seem totally logical.)

He really was the most misunderstood of all the Spider-Man villains. Norman Osbourne aka The Green Goblin was just an douche bag . A corporate douche bag. First off, he loved the smart kid (Peter Parker) more than his own son. Still, that love wasn't enough for him not  to kidnap Parker's crush, drop her off a bridge, and attack Parker's Aunt, while she was praying!!! While she was praying, I tell you! If attacking an old lady is not a sin (which I hope to God it's not... or I am going to Hell), then attacking her while she is praying certainly is. Though, he did allow her... nay... he insisted she finish the prayer (all you Spider-Man fan's know what I'm talking 'bout! If you don't you should be ashamed... and CLICK this tasty sausage... er... internet link). Oh... and he did kill the other board members after they stole his company from him... but that's just typical corporate America. So, maybe he wasn't such a bad guy after all... But his costume alone says he is bad news... or the offspring of a Terminator raping a Keebler elf.

Sandman was a murderer before his freak science accident (and yet he was the only one who didn't deserve what he got. Because he was the only one wise enough not to be an ambitious scientist who took unnecessary risks). That fucker killed Uncle Ben! I mean, really killed Uncle Ben! Not just killed Uncle Ben for two movies, like that guy with the spikey blond hair in the first Spider-Man.

And Venom was half evil alien suit with no soul and no redeeming qualities and half Topher Grace from That 70s Show (so again, no redeeming qualities). Not misunderstood at all. Just half pure space-evil and half whiny bitch. 

But, Doc Ock, now there was a misunderstood fella.

Doc Ock didn't want to make a shit ton of cash off weapons, or rob a bank to pay for his dying daughter's medication, or kill the emo dancer who took his job, smashed his camera, and stole his not-really-a-girlfriend girlfriend. Doc Ock wanted to better mankind. Doc Ock wanted to build a fusion reactor that would provide all the energy man would need coming into the 21st century. A device that would eliminate the need for fossil fuels, meaning the end of global warming. Doc Ock could have been a hero if it weren't for that always meddling Spider-Man!

 

 

 Look at the evidence. 

First, Doc Ock was Alfred Molina. That's right. THE Alfred Molina. Sure, Alfred tried to steal the idol from Indiana Jones the first time he was allowed on screen. And, granted, he was also a corrupt priest who tried to stop Tom Hanks from  discovering the shocking truth about Jesus (shocking truth - he wasn't white!) and who had sex with an Albino who whipped himself (I assume those two were bangin'.). But he was Alfred Molina. THE Alfred Molina! Alfred Molina wouldn't hurt a fly (ironic that a guy with 8 appendages [9, actually, I suppose] wouldn't be interested in hurting flies. They should have called HIM Spider-Man [that startling revelation just blew my fucking mind as I wrote it]). Unlike William Dafoe, Thomas Haden Church and Topher Grace  (I hear all 3 may or may not feed solely on puppy hearts. And  I live in Hollywood, so you know I'm correct! [Plus, I only write truths here! No lies or exaggerations! Not on MY blog!]).

Second, the Fusion reactor wasn't SUPPOSED to go haywire and threaten to destory the city of New York... twice. Haven't you ever heard, Spider-Man, that the third time's the charm? I think it is safe to assume you have not.

Sure, if you had not intervened, Doc Ock would have killed everyone in New York with his mad scientist ways. But, what if he had survived the second failed experiment? What if he got his hands on more "precious tritium" and built himself another fusion reactor? What if this one hadn't gone haywire, sucking all the metal into it, getting bigger and bigger until it consumed all? I'll tell you what, our energy woes would have been solved! So, thanks Spider-Man. Thank you for ruining a good thing. If you hadn't intervened I could be writing this blog on fusion power (though, not likely because Doc Ock is just as fictional as you are, Spider-Man [but Alfred Molina was not, and he could have saved us all if you had not put your nose in his business, Tobey Maguire!]).

After all, don't the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few (unless I am the few)? I hate to bring Star Trek into this (Who am I kidding? No I don't. Quite the opposite.) but that is a theme that has been touched on many times in the Trek universe. Spock said it himself and Spock is Vulcan. And as you know, Vulcans are incapable of telling lies (little know fact, George Washington... totally Vulcan). 

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is... Tobey Maguire should have watched Star Trek. That's why your ass got replaced by whoever (Joseph Gordon Levitt would be a decent choice...).


The Power of the Sun... in the palm of my hand.