Fuck You, NPR! How could you say such a terrible thing?

I'm either the most unlucky or the most naive person in the history of radio.

Every few months I get a hankerin' for some good old fashioned NPR (that's National Public Radio for you folks who are under fifty years of age). Unfortunately for me, every time I turn on NPR it's membership drive time.

Membership drive time is that special time when NPR asks... neigh... begs for money. It's where they try a combination of guilting you to give ("If you ran a public radio station and needed money for it's upkeep we'd give it to you!" and "You know you listen to it every goddamn day, so give us some goddamn money and stop being a goddamn freeloader!" [they would never say fuck on wholesome National Public Radio, not even in such a godless place as Los Angeles.]) and bribing you to give by offering you completely useless shit like and Earthquake detector (10 bucks says I know how I'm gonna die after that comment...), an extra battery for your cellphone, an NPR book lamp, or an iPad (ooOOoo, timely and biting).

So, am I unlucky for just happening to tune in during the NPR membership drive every time? Or naive for believing the drive isn't actually run 365 days a year (If that number is incorrect, I apologize. But as I've stated before, actual facts are overrated and not worth the time it takes to google them for accuracy.)? Or an arrogant prick for pointing out that I am cultured enough to tune into NPR, albeit it is only two weeks a year? I plea  the third (of the three preceding choices).

At least I take comfort in knowing that I don't owe them money for all the "free" educational programing I am receiving. Because, by listening to membership drive week only, I am never receiving any free educational programming. All I am hearing is pleas for money. It's like going to a Catholic mass (Oh, snap! Religious humor stemming from my upbringing. And it's Catholic related! Move over Kevin Smith, Stephen Colbert, and Jim Gaffigan!).  

Today though, NPR ensured, that even if I do manage the improbable feat (feet? Is feat a word? Is it the right word? Are you fucking with me, spell check?) of listening to an actual NPR program that isn't related to asking for money, I will NEVER, EVER, under ANY circumstance give money to them. EVER! (Unless I am trying to trick a female [human...hopefully] into thinking I am a caring individual who deserves to get laid, if just once in my miserable life.)

Today, NPR pissed me off. Very badly in fact. To a point where I yelled "Aww, heeeeell Naaaaaaw!," or something similar, at my radio and verbally told myself (yes, I talk to myself [quite often in fact]) I would never, ever, under any circumstance give money to NPR.

It wasn't anything political. It wasn't an attack on me in any way. And yet it was the most offending thing they could ever say.

It was simply this...

"You know, you can't spell fundraiser with fun--"

FUCK

YOU

NPR

What a horribly unclever clever thing to say. It's an insult. An insult to anyone with a brain.

I also can't spell fundraiser without FUND, which is what I am attempting to RAISE by holding a FUNDRAISER!

Jesus Christ! Some people!