Bringing Change (Change I didn't even promise!)

That's right, ladies and gentlemen.

Not one day on the job and I have brought Change to the 3rd floor as King of DVD/Bluray Land. CHANGE! (And not simply the change I deliver to the visitors to DVD/Bluray Land when they purchase my subjects as slaves, using cash money.)

Today I was shown the ropes. All the duties I would be preforming as King (also known as not-actually-a-lead DVD/Music lead).

My first act (after learning said duties) was bringing Change to the third floor. Horrible, horrible, change.

It wasn't even my idea. It was God's (also known as the third floor manager). God spoke down upon me, saying, "Perhaps we should move the Blurays."

You see, all has not been well in DVD/Bluray Land. All the Bluray people have been held prisoner, kept captive behind the counter. This is for two reasons. Because there is not enough space in the rest of my moderately-sized kingdom for them to live and because it keeps them away from the Vikings that enter our store, stealing and raping the more expensive peoples... like the Bluray race.

Today, God said down unto me, that perhaps we could move the Bluray people out into the kingdom, freeing them from their prison behind mine royal counter (That is not a typo. By saying "Mine" instead of "My" it simply sounds more royal, don't yine think [again, Yine sounds more royal than mine, don't yine think?]?).

He said that, perhaps the people of Bluray would be more easily sold as slaves if they were more easily browsed out in the kingdom. And rightfully so. It is hard to pick a good slave from over a counter. Especially if you are not sure which slave you have come for and you simply wish to browse slaves.

Yes. Such Change I would bring to the people. My first day, and I am vowing to close down a prison! Always a smart decision for a ruler to make.

Alas, the prison could not be closed (Who saw that coming? Not my nonexistant advisers! That's for sure!). Because, in order to free the Bluray people, other people would have to take their place. Fore there is simply not enough space in the kingdom unless some subjects are kept in prison (wouldn't that be a nice reversal, California?).

Who better than the DVD people of the Health/Fitness and Music/Performance tribes? Because who the fuck goes to Barnes and Noble to buy a workout DVD or a DVD of Madonna's latest concert?

So, like Jean Luc Picard, I made it so!

We began the great exodus. A moving of peoples. First, we had to shift the DVD tribes of Health/Fitness and Music/Performance out of their homes. Needless to say, it went much smoother than the events of District 9.

Such Change required all the tribes of the DVD people be relocated. All must loose the homes they resided for generations for the greater good. I am such a mighty king that the suffering of my people does not cause me to loose sight of this greater good.

For you see, the people of Bluray were to be located to the left side of the oval that is the kingdom of DVD/Bluray Land. For it is here that they can be most easily watched by their divine ruler, so that Vikings do not pillage and rape them (some Vikings do have penis [Penises? Peni?] of such a small sized that they literally can have sex with a Bluray, though the results ain't pretty! Trust me on that one [I love Blurays soooo much {And with that little joke, I have finally crossed the invisible, arbitrary line of what is acceptable and what goes too far}!]!).

The right side of the kingdom, where the Tribes of Health/Fitness and Music/Performance tribes lived for generation upon generation, are in a blind spot where I cannot protect my peoples (because honestly, who would steal this garbage?). So they were moved out and all other tribes were shifted right to make room for the people of Bluray! For they are my chosen people! Who I love above all else (I would make a great God...[aka Manager...])!

So, I brought great Change to today!

Great Change that I could not complete....

So, tomorrow, either the Change is done when I arrive or I must complete it! But at least Change has begun!

And for someone who never promised to bring Change at all, that ain't half bad.